[BlackButerfly]

tied down

2011-11-05T22:26:00.000-07:00

Ever felt like you're tied down. Ever felt like you're just a doll in the room. Ever felt like you just don't belong. Well thats how Im feeling right now. I'm a prisoner at my house. Ruled by not one, but two narcassistic tyrant. Every single time I voice out my opinion on things they go, "mana tau? Jgn kan kurang ajar ni. Don't think that you're 21 and pernah masuk university you can talk back. I have more experience in life than you. Nothing have changed In this world. You're a girl. You're defenceless. You're weak. You dont get to say anything. You are still under my roof. Do as I say not as I do."
"Nada kmi muda nada kami mau keluar. We rather stay at home." Whatever. Everyone knows thats a lie. No one stays at home stays sane. Lagipun, we, the kids hear outrageous stories about the old times from our uncle and aunts. I know you had you're rebellious years.
It's not fair that they had the freedom. Seen the world as it is.
It drives me crazy. Ergh. Annoying. Everyday its a new struggle. Everyday the knot is getting tighter. It hurts.

rapunzel

2011-11-05T16:59:00.000-07:00

Parents, don't be like the wicked witch from Rapunzel when your daughters askes you permission to go out. Instead talk to them why they can or cannot go out. Have your days plan spending time with them. Don't ever think that by just buying electronic entertainment is enough to occupy her curiosity of the world. As humans we are connected with nature, she needs to see outside of the families circle of people, animals, trees, flowers, parks etc.
Don't ever feel like just because you are tired, you cannot automatically shut down and lock yourself In house and drag the girls in the house. If you ever do feel like shuting down, send your kids to your other family members for the day, this will keep them entertained, busy and out of your hair for the day.
Think back to when you are her age, think of how you feel everyday. You certainly wouldn't want to feel that you are chained by your hand n feets to the house now would you?
If she ever asked you to go out with her friends, be nice about it. Compromise. Get to know her friends if you are afraid that she'll turn into a sour seed. Be with open arms about them.
If you have a son, don't go setting different curfew times for him. Both son and daughter must be treated equal. There is no such thing as boys can do certain things while girls can only do certain things. Boys are more privileged and easy going whole the girls are monitored and overly protected. No. Bad parenting.
Don't ever think back to only the mistakes of your life and that it'll surely be done by your daughters. Let her do her own mistakes, this is the only way she'll learn how to adapt properly to the world.
Don't have her chained to the walls that you call home. It might be home to you, but surely enough it will be prison for her.
Don't ever think her talking back is her way of being rude. It is very Important that you listen to all her whims. You will understand her better and thus you can talk to her better. This will create a good parent daughter relationship. She will respect for you as you have respect for her.

what it takes..

2011-09-22T21:42:00.000-07:00

I've only been employed part-time for (calculating the amount of days I've worked so far) 9 days as an assistant librarian at a local school. I do have to emphasize that being a librarian is not as easy as it looks. Yes you might find them either walking around the library shelving books while telling others to have their library voices or you might find them behind the front desk, registering the books that you want to borrow under your name. But have you ever wondered how the librarian knows where to properly organized books? Have you ever wondered what the numbers and alphabets mean on the bottom spine of each book ?Have you thought who put down all the information of a certain book into the search system of the library? Have you,have you really? Take a moment to think..

Yes dear readers, these are the few not seen jobs of a librarian. It takes special love, skill and technique to be one. and my dear readers, I have to admit its not easy being a librarian but it is a very rewarding job. I say this because you are helping those who want to borrow books have an easy time. You get to see happy faces after they look thru the database and found the book in the specific shelf under carefully calculate dewey numbers.

dewey numbers is a system where...well I was not really thought how to calculate the dewey numbers just yet. I just got to the part of cataloging the new books into the library database. this means that I have to find the ISBN number of a book, then I have to find the author, the publisher, the copyright year, the specified audience of the book, the measurement of the book, total amount of pages.
after this is saved in the database, I then have to stick security magnetic strips in the books so that they trigger books that got out of the librabry without going into the borrowing system. smart no, so for those who wants to steal books beware. you will trigger several alarms in the library. Hahah.

well that's all for now, I will expand on the dewey numbers when I figure out how dh are calculated. till then my dear readers.

-zati-

Bedtime

2011-08-15T14:02:00.001-07:00

Dear C-cow,
It's been 3years since you were given to me as a surprise gift. It's been 3 years you've companied me get through the good and the bad side of the bed. It's been 3 years since you've started protecting me from the boogie man that lives under the bed.
I love you, but I think its time for you to take your first bath. I cannot keep on putting perfume on you to mask your stench.
No, you're big black eyes will not blind me from cleaning you. Yes, I will be careful handling you.
Please take the ever needed bath now.

Love, izati.

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Escargot

2011-07-14T17:02:00.001-07:00

It's funny how your days seemed so dull and slow, when you've just spent a whole day filled with interesting moments. Feelings felt such as today is one of the feelings that I dread to experience. As much as I do not want to admit it, I am very much afraid for my future. For the first time, I've became lost in the uncertainty. It would do me peace, if I stop encountering people asking me if I'm alright and what's my next move after this. Honestly speaking, I have no idea. I do not know where to turn.

By the end of the day, I have to take the risk. This part of my life is slow like the pace of an Escargot. May it be escargot, or leopard speed, I just pray that I'll be out from this uncertainty soon. I pray that this escargot pace, will lead me to something real and worth while in the right path.

-blackbuterfly-

Escargot

2011-07-14T16:56:00.001-07:00

Escargot

2011-07-14T16:56:00.000-07:00

Rose Garden.

2011-06-15T16:28:00.000-07:00

One of the things that I enjoy doing during my free-days, is getting close to nature.
Since the rumors of exam results have been going around screaming that it'll be posted up by the end of this week. I decided to pull a make-up face (which is really rare for me to be dolled up), wear a dress and put on my comfortable heels and go for walk around london. The guys, Rasid, Razli and Khairul also took up the challenge, we agreed on not using the transportation available to us.

It turned out to be a really nice walk. From hyde park, to Buckingham Palace to Big Ben, to London Bridge, to London Eye then straight back home. No bus. No tube. No taxi. Just our strength and energy.
Sigh. How I wish this can free days can last. I just don't want to have to face reality just yet. Not ready.

3 years.

2011-06-10T16:42:00.000-07:00

3 years. Still in waiting. Just finished my exams. I HATE the wait. it's tiring. I want results to be published now. Spare me from the anxiety. Owh, examinations results come out now please.

-zati-

ps. Sannah helwa Bubu :)

Stress Free :)

2011-04-24T17:03:00.000-07:00

<3 With Najihah, Farhana, Bulan dan Bintang.
24th April 2011, Hydepark London

Mornings

2011-04-18T04:11:00.000-07:00

This is a trick that was taught by my awesome grandmother who passed it to my mother :)

To have gorgeous melodic voice, all you have to do every morning is to brew yourself tea. Then add 1 Table spoon of honey and squeeze out a whole lemon.

It's that simple.

-Izati-

Menikmati Sun-rise

2011-04-11T00:16:00.000-07:00

Restless. Not so Awesome flight.

But, the warmth of the sun

Made the beginning of my Day worth Smiling for

PS: Believe it or not, my phone was playing the song "Here comes the sun" - the Beatles.

Numbered

2011-04-03T17:32:00.000-07:00

My days are NUMBERED. Once again I have to endure and face the reality. I once again have to leave what I love. Sigh. In the words of Bruno Mars - Grenade "Black, black, black and blue beat me till I'm numb Tell the devil I said “hey” when you get back to where you're from Mad woman, bad woman,That's just what you are, yeah, Gave you all I had And you tossed it in the trash"

I only ask this one simple question, "Hiding won't hide it, Smiling won't hide it, How do I get from an all time low?" The Wanted - All time low.

Sigh. If only I was flying fun. Or at least as a host of traveler program. Free hotel. Free fly. New places. New people. New language. The fun part, being in front of the camera. HAHA!

Tapi tidak mengapa, in about 3months time, I shall be back. Again :) Tell the World I’m coming home Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday I know my kingdom awaits and they’ve forgiven my mistakes - Diddy, Coming home.

For now I have to make believe that, Love is all that I can give you, Love is more than a game for two, Two in love can make it, Take my heart and please don't break it. Love is made for me and you. - Nat King Cole L.O.V.E

Because every time I think of you I feel this, She was dancing sexy, pop, pop, popping, dropping, dropping low. Never ever has a lady hit me on the first sight - Usher, OMG

I am sorry to my first, because, Karena ku cinta kau dan dia Maafkanlah ku tak bisa Tinggalkan dirinya - AdiFasha, Aku cinta kau dan dia.

EXAMINATIONS. This is how much I feel about IT. sarcastically. Mabye.

[Izati]

It's that time again

2011-02-23T17:09:00.001-08:00

Family that is constantly on the move is how I would describe my family. Brunei Darussalam is just a resting point. No matter what we do, we cannot avoid being sent away. Tapi inda mengapalah. Aku tidak akan mengeluh. This is for the better. Lagipun, bukan sembarangan tempat yang hendak dituju. InsyaAllah everything is going to be awesome as always.

As of now I have 3 places I can call home.

View Larger Map

-Izati-

Syair Siti Sianah

2011-01-18T05:20:00.000-08:00

Setengah Perempuan terlalu janggalnya,

Roma dimuka pula dicukurnya,

Seperti taji berandam di keningnya,

Kemudian memakai dengan selengkapnya.

Mengagak mengilai terlalu suka,

Melihat laki-laki tampakkan muka,

Supaya laki2 boleh meyangka,

Ianya elok tiada terhingga.

Setengah perempuan sangat pesolek,

Berhias berdandan berpakai molek,

Didalam cermin muka ditelek,

Kanan dan kiri dibelek-belek.

Meskipun tiada berapa eloknya,

Ada yang setengah kembang hidungnya,

Serta pula kepik batangnya,

Seperti buaya besar mulutnya.

Setengah perempuan perangainya cela,

Habis dipenuhi rambut kepala,

Rambut yang sikit disiputnya pula,

Memakai cemara berjela-jela.

Terkadang muka dibubuh pupuri,

Kaki dan tangan,lengan dan jari,

Jadilah rupanya putih berseri,

Pekerjaan tipu sangat digemari.

Setengah perempuan yang makan angkat,’

memakai gelang bertingkat-tingkat,

Memandang laki2 matanya lekat,

Dengan jantan suka berdekat.

Kaki dan tangan dinaikkan pula,

Pura-pura dikatakan ubat segala,

Hakikatnya diketahui Allah taala,

Supaya laki2 berhati gila.

Berlindunglah kita kepada Allah,

Daripada perbuatan yang amat salah,

Mudah-mudahan dilepaskan,

Jangan menjadi betina sempolah.

Setengahnya suka bermain judi,

Inilah perangai banyak terjadi,

Habislah tergadai intan serudi,

Kerana perangai sudah membadi.

Laki-laki perempuan bertindih lutut,

Banyaklah kelakuan yg tidak patut,

Sembahyang ibadat sudahlah bantut,

Kerana syaitan duduk dibuntut...

~Abu Hassan Sham(Puisi2 raja Ali Haji)

I just want to remind myself and all the ladies out there, kita sebagai wanita haruslah menjaga pergaulan kita antara lelaki. Janganlah kita terlampau bebas. Kerana lelaki yang tidak bertanggung jawab akan membinasakan kita.

Kita sebagai wanita mesti menjaga akhlak dan adab sopan santun supaya tidak dieksploitasi oleh lelaki yang tidak bertanggung jawab.

Kita sebagai wanita mesti lah menjaga kecantikan diri tetapi janganlah sampai berlebih-lebihan. Kerana ini boleh menimbulkan fitnah.

Tercatit dalam sejarah Islam, bahawa ayat 1-2 Surah at-Tahrim turun disebabkan angkara isteri-isteri baginda. Ketika baginda habis meminum madu di rumah isteri baginda Saudah, dia berkata bahawa ada bau yang busuk. Begitu juga ketika baginda selesai meminum madu di rumah Aisyah, dia diberitahu bahawa ada bau yang busuk. Lalu Rasulullah saw kerana untuk menjaga hati isterinya telah berjanji untuk tidak meminum madu lagi.

Allah lalu menurunkan firman Nya : "Hai Nabi, mengapa kamu mengharamkan apa yang Allah halalkan bagimu, kamu mencari kesenangan hati isteri-isteri kamu?" (at-Tahrim : 1)Perlu ditegaskan bahawa fitnah wanita tidak selalunya datang dari arah wanita itu sendiri. Bahkan selalunya godaan nafsu dalamlah yang menjadi pendorong bagi lelaki untuk mendekati wanita dan melakukan maksiat. Oleh kerana itu, wanita atau isteri bukanlah musuh yang sebenarnya yang perlu dijauhi. Perlakuan yang berlaku adalah antara dua jenis ini adalah gambaran umum tentang bentuk perhubungan yang diwujudkan.

Apabila masing-masingnya memberi perhatian yang wajar untuk sama-sama membina kebahagiaan, maka mereka akan mengecapinya dengan sempurna. Abu Hurairah ra berkata bahawa Rasulullah saw bersabda : "Sesempurna iman seseorang ialah yang paling baik budi pekertinya,dan sebaik-baik kamu ialah yang terbaik pergaulannya terhadap isterinya." (Riwayat Tirmizi). Dan dalam sebuah hadis dari Abdullah bin Amru al-Ash, bahawa Rasulullah bersabda : "Dunia ini adalah perhiasan dan sebaik-baik perhiasan ialah wanita yang solehah." (Riwayat Muslim)

"http://www.iluvislam.com/v1/readarticle.php?article_id=1534"

-izati-

Remaja

2011-01-08T06:40:00.000-08:00

Kesempurnaan dalam hidup memang tidak ada. Kesempuraan hanya boleh dinilai dengan kebahagiaan.

Sebagai anak kita mesti mendoakan kesejahteraan hidup ibu bapa kita :) Sebagai seorang remaja yang mencari kebahagiaan, carilah kebahagiaan itu disisi keluarga. Yang baik jadikan tauladan, yang buruk jadikan sempadan. Agar kelak remaja-remaja apabila dewasa dapat membina keluarga and mendidik anak kejalan yang diredhai. Jangan sekali-kali kita menyelahkan apa yang terjadi kerah ibubapa kita.kaya kemereka. Miskin kah meraka.itu hak mereka.

Sebagai anak, kita mesti berusaha untuk mengubah hidup mereka. Menyenangkan hidup mereka. Sebagai mana mereka telah berkorban dengan sedaya upaya mereka untuk membahagiakan kita.

[izati]

All.The.Same

2011-01-03T06:03:00.000-08:00

People. Human beings. Human nature. Individuals.

What distinguishes us? What differentiates us from one another?

Is it on the way we look? How we dress? How we talk? How we walk? The amount of gucci bags we have or is it the way we work out the pair of Louis Vuitton shoes? The way we drive our BMW cars or rather have drivers drive us around in the BMW?

Think about it, how do we usually differentiate between each other. I know, and I will admit it, I always compare people by the materials that they have. How they strut their materials owning. It's one of my guilty pleasure. It is after all the easiest way to describe a stranger to another person.

Why this is so?

I think, it is because what we see on the person becomes and to us defines that person. Admit it or not, we judge people by how they cover themselves. I hate to admit this, but I do this a whole lot. When ever I'm out and about and boredom strikes, my eyes tend to wonder around. This is when the guilty pleasure kicks in. I start to judge those particular individuals by how they dress. I once saw this lady in a very lovely-knee short-summer dress. I could see that she was covering her arm by wearing long sleeves underneath her dress. She covered her hair with scarf perfectly. The heels that she was wearing completely complimented the green-lilac bag that she was accessorizing. Her outfit was gorgeous. The only thing that upset me was that her legs was showing. I found it really odd of her to be covered only from her head to her knees. Only to her knees. With this I then began to judge her. Saying how she should just take off her scarf, because it's not worth her time covering. Questioning to myself why did she not bother covering her legs. Her legs weren't that that pretty to show off anyways. It was a weird thing to see that time. I will forever remember her as the pretty dress but not so much leg person.

A split second after she walked past by me, it suddenly hit me. My conscience asked me, Who am I to judge that person. Do I even know that person to judge her by her looks. Do I consider myself as perfect, hence why I criticized that person for not covering her legs.

The thought came to me, we are all the same. She was somehow, weirdly enough, my alternate alter-ego. Because at that moment, even though I was covered from head to feet, my coverings were tight on me. Which to me is not the definition of covering properly t0 the public eyes. But I wore it anyway. We are all the same. No matter how different it may seem to us on how we wear things. What car we drive. How big our house is. The amount of gold and diamonds we own. We are all the same.

The only thing that can differentiate me and that 'pretty dress but not so much leg person' is my personality and hers. And of course. Her DNA and mine. It is been researched that only 1 in a million that a person's DNA can be the same as another person.

Why personality? I personally think that it's because our differences in experiencing life is different, therefore with theses completely different background experience, different personality will develop.

We.Are.All.The.Same.

-Izati-

Bulan Dan Bintang

2010-12-21T08:10:00.000-08:00

Detik terus berjalan dunia semakin tua

pergi dan datang pergantian manusia semakin jaya.

dalam kebingungan dunia terbahagi dua

kalah atau menang masih ditanda tanya

yang nyata sekarang berpecah-pecah barisan kita

terdampar dibatu karang haluan tiada lemah tenaga

kalau direnung ke zaman lampau berkilauan cahaya

segalanya hidup bergerak akihrat dan dunia

tapi...apakah kita masih mimpi dialam tidak bermakna

itu khayal, khayal kalau usaha tiada.

Dicari, dibongkar seluruh rahsia gemilang

iman, takwa, persaudaraan dan terus berjuang

bukan bekalan hanya bibir dan lidah dizaman mereka

kitab Al-Quran difahamkan, dilaksanakan penuh percaya.

Dibongkar, Dicari mengapa runtuh keagunganmu

rahsia sakti pudar, hilang kembang pun layu

daging dimamah, harta dikejar, dihati takut tiada

kekhilafan bermaharajarela, pada Quran hanya telinga

Detik terus berjalan dunia semakin tua

demikianlah nasib handalan jatuh dilembah hina.

SHUKRI ZAIN, Damai dalam sentuhan.

In conjunction of the coming new year 2011. Remember, Kita didunia hanyalah untuk sementara. Tidak ada ertinya jika kita megahkan our bag Louis Vuitton, our perfume Channel, our car BMW and our huge house. This is because, all we bring to the end is our Iman. Hidup didunia hanyalah sementara. Bersedialah untuk Akhirat.

-izati-

Jatuh

2010-11-26T20:58:00.000-08:00

Apabila jatuh, kembali lah bangun. If you stay jatuh, nanti senang dipijak orang. Bila kita bangun, kita rasa satu keajaiban yang sungguh menarik.

Tidak ada maknanya if we decide to stay jatuh. Tidak ada maknanya if we decide to give up.

I believe that we fail in the task in hand because, Tuhan sengaja menemukan yang salah sebelum kita tahu yang lurus. Supaya kita lebih sempurna and lebih ikhlas bila masa yang lurus itu datang menjemu di hari kelak.

Tidak ada maknanya jika kita seharian suntuk berbaring di katil. Tidak ada maknanya jika kita seharian meraung. Tidak ada maknanya jika kita seharian mengikut dan melayan perasaan.

Elok kita mencari jalan keluar dari masalah. Elok kita berdoa meminta pertolongan dariNya.

Tuhan tidak akan memberi dugaan jika Dia tidak pasti yang kita boleh bangun selepasnya. Kerana Dia selalu pasti. Kerana Dia yang menentukan apa yang ada, dan tidak ada. Kerana Dia yang Maha Berkuasa and Maha Mengetahui.

[Izati]

Renungan

2010-11-19T22:23:00.000-08:00

"Jodoh dan pertemuan semuanya di tangan Allah SWT. Manusia hanya perancang di pentas dunia ini dan skripnya ditulis oleh yang maha esa. Adakalanya, dalam memainkan peranan sebagai pelakon, diberi petunjuk melalui mimpi atau gerak hati. Mimpi memang mainan tidur, tetapi apabila kita melakukan sembahyang Istikharah dan memohon supaya Allah memberikan petunjuk, insya-Allah dengan izinnya kita mendapat petunjukNya. Jika dia pilihan kita, buatlah keputusan sebaiknya. Jika tidak, tolaklah dia dengan baik. Semua yang kita lakukan ini adalah bagi mendapatkan kebahagiaan hidup di dunia. Setelah semuanya diusahakan, berserahlah kepadaNya dan terus berdoa. Ingatlah, nikmat di dunia ini hanya sementara.Nikmat di akhirat adalah kekal selamanya. "

http://djfisau.frenzyfm.my/blog/2010/11/10-petanda-dia-jodoh-kita/

Romantism

2010-11-15T17:39:00.000-08:00

Someone asked me recently, in the near future, what would you consider to be the most romantic thing you would want your other person do to you?

I said to the person, it's sufficient that he brings me to the movie, dinner, a walk through the park and occasionally his declaration of love.

Seriously, that is not what I think is romantic. Yes, that would be a cheerful day. Making my heart melt.

This is what I would have said.

The most romantic thing, in the nearest future for me would be for him to write me a song. About me and him. About his feelings towards me. Then after perfecting the song, he signs up for the upcoming BruManch Talentime. He buys me the ticket to the show. Surprising me that he's performing. He goes on the stage, dedicating and performing the song that he wrote to me. After that, I receive a note to go to backstage.

Upon arriving backstage, I see him standing with his guitar holding a big huge card and bouquet of lilies. Telling me that he love me and asks me if i'm willing to be his assistant for the rest of his life.

That would be the lovely thing. :)

I wonder if he remembers that this was his initial plan for his 3rd year studying in London.

[izati]

Perkataan

2010-10-14T18:30:00.000-07:00

Perkataan. Words.

Why can't people say the words that are meant to be said? Why do they end up saying the words that are not supposed to be said?

Adakah berkata jujur itu berat bagi kita? Is it that heavy to say what is true? Why is it so easy for us to tell lies? Is it because we fancy our fantasies better that our reality? Is it because we hope that through lies, we can achieve greatness in our lives?

Kata-katamu tadi itu memang menyakitkan. Kata-katamu itu pun telah menjadi panah yang menusuk kejiwaku. Andainya fitnah itu senang dihapuskan. Kamu tahu kah, fitnah itu dilarang. Fitnah itu kejam. Janganlah kamu ungkap, berkata apa yang kamu tidak tahu. Kita kan di ajar, berdiam itu lebih baik daripada berkata yang tidak berfaedah. Lebih baik kita meluangkan masa, fikiran, dan suara kita untuk berzikir dan berdoa kepadaNya.

For know, I choose not to care. For I know, the truth will be on my side. For Allah akan selalu menyebelahi orang yang berkata benar. InsyaAllah.

[Blackbuterfly]

Semuanya adalah takdir

2010-10-10T22:55:00.000-07:00

Dalam perhubungan cinta perlu ada keikhlasaan, kejujuran dan kesetiaan. Hati kita dah pun pilih hati dirinya, so subconsciously we feel obliged to make the other happy. To make their heart filled with pleasure and all the happiness in the world every passing day. If they get hurt, we feel will feel awful. Kalaulah kita mencintai hatinya, kita akan menjaga dirinya dengan tulus ikhlas hita kita.

Tapi, if one day it was destined to be apart. Datanglah hari yang penuh dengan kedukaan. Hari yang mengecewakan. Itulah adalah sudah yang tertulis bagi kita. Maka kita akan tentu rasa sia-sia kepada apa yang kita pernah lakukan padanya. Terbuang masa kita mencintai dirinya. Why should we be feeling this way? Kita seharusnya bersabar. Janganlah kita bersedih. Janganlah kita mengecewakan apa yang telah berlaku. Kerana, hanya Dia yang tahu apa yang terbaik bagi hambanya. Dia ada kuasa untuk bagi kita rezeki. Dia juga ada kuasa untuk menarik balik apa yang telah diberiNya. Kita seharusnya bersyukur yang kita telah dibagi kebahagiaan walaupun untuk sementara. Walaupun kita kehilangan dirinya (be it to another person), kita harus mendoakan baginya yang dia akan terus hidup dengan penuh bahagia. Jangan sekali-kali kita hampa. Kita harus tabah.

Cinta itu hanyalah satu perasaan manusia. Ianya semudah pergi seperti ianya semudah datang tanpa diduga. Tanpa kita mencarinya. Tanpa kita mengetahuinya.

Cinta antara manusia tidak akan kekal selamanya. Yang kekal adalah cinta kepada yang Esa. That's why we should love Him first. Pray because of Him. Work because of Him. Live because of Him. He gave us life. He gave us our mother to love us. He gave us our father to protect us. Be thankful to our parents. Be grateful to Allah.

Jikalah kita ditakdir berjauhan dengan insan yang kita cintai, kita harus menghadapinya dengan penuh tabah. Dengan penuh kesabaran. Sebab segalanya ada kebaikannya. Remember, He will not test us, if we can't survive it. Every problem in this world has it's own solution. It's up to us to find it. :)

Kerana semua itu adalah takdir. Kita tidak mampu menolak apa yang tertulis. Kita sebagai manusia mesti berusaha untuk apa yang kita kehendaki. Teruskan kehidupan.

Jikalah itu memang jodoh kita, percayalah, dia tidak akan hilang dari kita. Malah, segala yang kita harungi selama ini adalah untuk mendekati orang yang akan memahami isi hati kita. Insan yang akan menolong kita memenuhi iman kita dan mendekati diri kita dengan Allah. Dialah yang akan menjadi teman sejati dunia dan akhirat. InsyaAllah.

Do not lose hope.

Assalamualaikum.

Izati.

Come save me now.

2010-10-04T06:33:00.000-07:00

Destiny. I have faith in you. Please tell me this is for the better of things. Please tell me everything is going to be okay. Everything is going to be fine.

The hero of my life. Come save me now.

innocence

2010-09-16T18:03:00.000-07:00

Innocence is a term used to indicate a general lack of guilt.

I want to present the world that I do lack of guilt. I did not do the things that you claimed I did. You have no prove. The saying of the wind does not prove anything. You only listen to the things you want to listen. When in reality the truth that you are searching for have been trying to reach to you. The truth have been presented to you. It's been in front of your eyes. Open your heart. See with your open eyes and open minds.

Stop blaming me for the things that I did not do. For I did not do such things. I did not steal anyone. For I do not steal. The only thing I'm guilty of is leaving my heart in the hands of a stranger. I blame him for making me feel the way I feel right now. The only thing I'm guilty of is touching his bruised lonely heart. I pray that his heart stay with me. For I shall not force. For I do not force.

Listen with your heart, mind and eyes. Stop filtering the the voices of the wind to only the things that you want to hear.

If you are still persistent with your version of truth, I am not afraid to face you. Come meet with me if you dare. I will present you with my truth. I am not afraid of you. I never had. I never will. Come if you dare.

I am now prepared to present the world my innocence.

Jodoh adalah rahsia Allah.

2010-09-15T16:08:00.000-07:00

'Jodoh adalah Rahsia Allah. Jika menyibukkan diri dgn hal jodoh, maka itu adalah perkara yg sia-sia kerana tidak yakin dgn Qada-qadar Allah. Tidak yakin makna tidak beriman, nauzubillah. Usah di fikirkan kerana jodoh akan datang tanpa di undang. Tetapi dengan syarat. Hendaklah mencintai Allah dulu, dengan sebenar-benar cinta. Dan jika Allah mencintai mu kembali, itu adalah nikmat yg paling besar dari Nya.kdg2 Allah melambatkan jodoh kita kerana Dia tahu, apabil kita sudah berkawin, kita akan jauh dari Nya.Gunakanlah masa 'single' mu utk mendekati Allah, kerana engkau akan disibukkan setelah kamu berumah tangga. Rugilah manusia yg sering berfikir bagaimana mencari jodoh, tetapi bukan bagaiman memanfaatkan masa terluang utk mendekati Allah. Sia-sia lah Allah memberi kamu masa.'' [NHO, Taken from facebook]

-

2010-09-13T08:39:00.000-07:00

Diriku diduga, hanya untuk menambah kebolehan diriku. Insyaallah, I'll have my way light up. :) I still have hope. I will not despair. I will not back down.

"=.=

2010-09-12T10:25:00.000-07:00

:) bubu. Je vous adore.

Kepastian Cinta

2010-08-28T14:33:00.000-07:00

Hargailah wanita yang bernama ibu dan isteri kepada dirimu wahai kaum lelaki.

I was reading this note of a dearest friend of mine after sahur. Hope it will inspire you as much as it did to me.

I was watching tv after sahur. And the show was about a woman who greeted her husband from work with a sour face. She was angry because she feels/thought her husband would marry some other woman. I love the conversation made between the two.

Husband: Senyumlah sikit..

Wife: Saidatina Aisyah ada senyum kah masa Rasulullah kan kawin lagi?

The husband stayed quiet, while the wife repeats the same question again.

Husband: Tiada yang meriwayatkan bahawa Saidatina Aisyah senyum ketika Rasulullah ingin bernikah lagi. Tetapi yang pastinya Saidatina Aisyah menerima hakikat bahawa Rasulullah ingin bernikah lagi.

Wife: Jadi kamu menerima poligami yang di praktis Rasulullah? Kamu ingin bernikah lagi?

Husband: Astaghfirullah. Kenapa kamu curiga amat?

Wife: Kerana aku mencintai kamu lebih dari kamu mencintai aku.

And then a door-to-door salesperson came and the husband went out. The salesperson was selling the books that was written by the husband.

Husband: Kenapa aku mesti membeli apa yang aku punya?

Salesperson: Kadang kalanya kita harus membeli walaupun kita tahu kita yang punya.

Husband suddenly thinks about his wife. Maybe I must also buy her heart punya look on his face.

Husband: Bolehkah kita membeli kepercayaan isteri..?

Salesperson: ooo.. itu kita tidak boleh membelinya. Wanita ini memang lumrahnya curiga. Kita harus menjual apa yang disukainya.

Husband: apa?

Salesperson: Janji.

Then the husband went in and talked to his wife.

Husband: sorry ya. Hanya kamulah yang ada di hatiku.

Wife: *sarcastic* ooo terima kasih yaa. Suweet banget deh kamu. *rolls her eyes*

Husband: Kenapa kamu? Sudah aku serius, kamu bercanda.

Wife: okeh. Aku serius ni. Aku menghargai janji kamu.

Husband smiles and stood from his seat.

Wife: tetapi sorry saja tidak mencukupi. Kamu harus bicara sama KaLila (the girl that the wife was curiga of) bahawa kamu TIDAK akan menikahinya.

Husband: Kenapa aku harus bicara seperti itu? Gila apa? Kamu kejam sungguh ya.

Wife: Semua yang memiliki akan tampak lebih kejam kerna ingin melindungi apa yang dimilikinya.

Husband went out to masjid and talked to the imam.

Imam: Eh aneh banget sih. Kenapa kamu tidak bicara saja sama KaLila.

Husband: Gila!

Imam: Atau kamu masih membuka pintu kamu untuk mencintai.

Husband: Pintu aku sudah tutup!

Imam: Kamu yakin pintu kamu sudah tutup. Kamu tidak kunci barangkali.

Imam: Masih buka sedikit barangkali. Untuk di intip? *smiles knowingly*

Husband: Arrghh!

Imam: Kamu akan sibuk nanti.

Husband: kenapa?

Imam: Kamu memang pandai mencintai tapi tidak pandai memiliki. Kamu akan sibuk nanti kerana akan lahir wanita2 yang cantik dan kamu akan terus mencintai.

[Blackbuterfly]

life

2010-08-24T22:16:00.000-07:00

Life is what you make out of it. It's the choices that makes us, Us. With hard work, determination, luck and keredhaanNya. InsyaAllah. Things will certainly go your way. Remember.

[blackbuterfly]

Au cafe de paris

2010-08-15T10:10:00.000-07:00

Je garde norte amour pour toujours. Vous me donner la joie. Vous me donner un tel bonheur. Je suis bein avec toi, mon amour. Comme je vous aimes. Oui je vous aimes.

Un jour je te dirai que je vous aimes. C'est mots d'amour. Je le garde pour l'instance. Je vous aime, mon amour.

Toi, le monde. Ce soir je vais me dance avec mon amour. Oui je l'aime. Oui je vous aime.

Comme le premier soir au cafe de paris.

[blackbuterfly]

Awaiting Moment

2010-08-14T11:17:00.000-07:00

Wuhhoo.. :)

Wuhhoooo... :)

Wuuuuhhhooooooooo :)

6 days left. Alhamdullilah. Balik Kampung. Finally. After 4?5?Years.

Wuhhhoooooowwwuuuuhhhoooowwuuhhoooowwuuuuhhhhoooowwuuuhhhhooooo

My Stranger

2010-08-08T06:31:00.000-07:00

I've never told you this, I do fancy you. You are by far not on the list of my needs right now. But somehow, you've appeared in my life. Showing me, teaching me the ways of life.

Never thought that you would choose me. Never would have thought fate would bring me a person such as you into my life. And for that I am very grateful.

I know, the moment I set my eyes on you I will be safe. I know you cannot do me wrong. I see truth. I am where I belong. Finally I know I am not alone.

I would like to think that we were never strangers, You and I. I would like to think that we've just drifted apart for a while, waiting for the right time to reconcile. You and I, we're meant to be.

You are my stranger. As I am yours.

You had me at Hello. Welcome to my world stranger.

[Blackbuterfly]

Kepastian Cinta

2010-08-06T22:05:00.000-07:00

Permintaan hatiku, adalah untuk bersama mu. Diriku hilang bila jauh daripada mu. Diriku, hatiku, akan sentiasa setia kepadamu. Engkau lah pada tempat ku bahagia. Inilah kepastian hati ku.

[Blackbuterfly]

Knock, Knock

2010-08-05T16:22:00.000-07:00

Knock- knock, the sound of my door. What can be lingering outside my door at midnight. Scared. I say my prayers as I reach for my door.

I listen carefully for the footsteps or breathings outside. No sound. "Who is it?" I asked. No reply.

I decided not to open.

My phone then started to ring. Ring. Ring.

It was an unknown call. As I picked it up, no one was heard on the other line. I hung up.

Knock, knock goes my door again. I decided to let it go. It is midnight after all. I have to catch up with my sleep.

My phone received a text. It was an empty text, from an unknown number. Scary.

Knock knock. My door sounds again. From my bed I asked "who is it?" No reply

As I approach my door. I say my prayers for it to be something worth while.

I opened the door. I thank the Al-Mighty for His gracious gift.

Lesson of the story, Never be afraid to grab odd opportunities. They are a gift from above. You might not get a second chance. Great things comes in small packages. Be thankful for everything you have and everything you do not have. Everything happens for a reason.

As for what I receive tonight, we'll just reserve that story for another time.

Take care,

Blackbuterfly.

The thing is..

2010-08-04T16:03:00.000-07:00

She said that I should just stop writing on this blog. No one reads it anyway. Even if it's being read once a while, all the readers are ever going to read about is complete utter nonsense. Kata-kata dari adik manja ku.

Well, to me writing on this blog is a must. If I do not release the tension here, it will be placed else where. Individuals that surrounds me will suffer the consequence.

Besides that of the topic above, I've decided to change the layout of this site. It looked completely dull before. Now I think it is absolutely suited my moods and for the things I'm about to write in the future.

As for now, as I lay on this bed waiting for the drug to kick in to put me to sleep. I beat you adieu. I've been attacked by the Flu virus.

Till next time.

Blackbuterfly

Say what you need to say

2010-08-03T13:17:00.000-07:00

It hurts when you expect something to happen that day, but it doesn't happen. You go out, everything falls into place but by the end of the day, the important thing does not happen. It hurts. It can really mess up you mind and mood.

It hurts having something bottled up in you for so long. It hurts knowing. It hurts hearing. It hurts hoping.

I just wish we could all say what we need to say. So none of us linger in the midst of what if's.

Is it that hard to confess?Is it that hard to say?

Just say what you need to say

-Blackbuterfly-

Thoughts on Examination

2010-05-25T13:23:00.000-07:00

Janganlah engkau meninggalkan diriku di awan yang terpilu. Kerana mimpi ku yang di cinta, aku menjadi kembara. Diriku kini bagai camar, melintas laut mencari pohon untuk berteduh.

Kerana diri ku telah menikmati cintamu, aku kembara mengikut lagu dari bisikan hati yang mendamba hati yang paling setia.

Kini diri ku yang dulu dihadiahkan sepasang sayap tidak terlihat lagi. Menjadikan seumpama mimpi yang tersimpan. Jadi rintik rintik hujan, menciptakan awan yang terpilu.

Rintihan didalam puisi ini terhampas lantas, kerna tidak kesampaian hajat yang meronakan. Gelora rindu ku kepadamu. Jangan lah engkau menipu usaha ku untuk mencapai cita-cita ku. Kerna itu lah cinta ku.

Ingin sekali aku ungkapkan isyarat jiwa dengan sempurna supaya kau mengerti. Supaya kau sedari, keadaan ku yang memerlukan mu untuk diriku mencapai impianku.

-izati-

Something Written

2010-03-04T04:27:00.000-08:00

Jadilah seorang wanita dalam bekas kaca yang sukar disentuh. Hanya orang yang mampu sahaja dapat memilikinya.- Surga Cinta, Movie 2009.

Neverland is an escape from humanity, above all else into insanity so let all take a ride forever and try to avoid calamity,
We all live our agony, but i live for my life for my family so one day i could give them peace of mind that i always dreamt of.
Salvation is goal, the protector is my role- Fahim Ibrahim, My little Brother, 2010.

-izati-

20 years ago

2010-03-01T10:56:00.000-08:00

02.03.1990

That's 20years ago. Wondering if Neverland accepts those of many years.

Wondering if I keep on clapping, would Tinkerbell gives me that last bit of magical sand.

Nothing wrong with keeping faith and keep on believing right? :)

20 years ago, mummy and daddy and I believe, a doctor and nurse, first heard me cry.

20 years ago, I smiled for the first time.

20 years ago, I made my parents smile.

20 years ago, my parents had their first non-sleeping, stress filled night due to my baby cries.

That was 20 years ago.

Now, 20 years then, I'm praying that I will still be able to put that longed missed smile of my parents.

Now, 20 years then, I'm wishing that all my prayers will come true.

Now, 20 years then, I'm praying that my life will be filled with meaning.

20 years now, I'm waiting for my prince to bring me my missing glass high heeled shoe.

20 years now, I'm waiting for my dreams to come true.

20 years now, I'm still hoping that I can see Neverland and stay there.

-Izati-

A NIGHT STORY BY ACOUSTIC [Part 2]

2010-02-05T12:48:00.000-08:00

She’s not mad at me is she?

Who? Her. She always fancies you ever since she first saw you.

Look at her face. That’s worse than a bull on a rampage. Hahahaha.

What I would have given for that laugh… He’s so serious, yet so funny. Hahaha.

She’s just… so…

Now I really wish he was here… we would have looked so perfectly made for each other…

… lovely… He would have kissed me by now… and hold on to me so tightly…

God, please let this night last longer…

He’s shaking… God… please help me…

You okay? Hm? You don’t look so good. Nah, I’m fine.

…You sure? You’re making me worry…

No, no, don’t be. I’m okay… really…

You know you can alwa- Look!

(boom… boom…)Wow… biggest one I’ve ever seen.

I love the ones that look like a rose. They’re so pretty.

I just love all of them… I remember the first time my dad brought me to a fireworks display.

When was that?

When I was really small… he used to put me on his shoulder and I would hold on to his head. And mom would bring the food to us. She always bring too much. Hahaha.

… You really miss them don’t you?

…

Sometimes I really don’t know how you can live all by yourself. I mean, if I were you, I wouldn’t be able to last even a whole day, let alone 5 years.

Hey, a man gotta survive. That’s what us humans used to be. Survivors in nature.

Still… it must’ve been tough eh?

Yeah… they were good people… You always do stuff together?

We used to go somewhere every weekend… sometimes it’s the beach, sometimes it’s Empire, sometimes it’s just a movie at the mall. My dad used to teach me how to best take care of a woman. What’s that supposed to mean?

I mean, how to attract them, how not to, how to make them hate you, how to love a woman… stuff like that. But even with that sort of education, he and mom were the most perfect of couples. If you had seen them around, you would never think they had been married for long.

But didn’t your mom do anything about what he taught you?

She refused to “play” with him for the day. Hahahaha.

And my mom used to cook loads of great food. I may be the only son, but she cooked dinner like it was for 10.

Did you finish it all? Nah, my dad does. Hahahaha.

And dad used to bring me out to run, and usually drags mom to jog with him.

No wonder you guys never get fat.

And he trains me like I’m a recruit or something. What do expect from a Brigadier with an only son anyway. But I owe these six packs to him though.

They must be great parents.… I never appreciated them much… not until…

It was at Jerudong wasn’t it?

He never wanted to leave mom’s side, no matter where… never came back... and he left me stranded on a boat.

You were lucky the storm didn’t get you. I was lucky I even made it out alive.

Yeah… I remember waiting for you to wake up at hospital.

That cut cost me a marathon. I was worried you know. Really?

Of course! I mean, who wouldn’t be worried when their best friend ended up in hospital?

Over a small cut like that? It was huge!

I wouldn’t know. It’s not nice having bandages all over you leg when you try to jog.

Were you? I thought you had to rest for a couple of weeks.

It feels better to move around rather than lie down all the time.

Why did you want to leave the house anyway? We were like family weren’t we?

Yeah, but I can never leave the house my parents left me, could I? Even if it means living all by myself.

You didn’t have to run away. I guessed your parents wouldn’t let me.

[end part 2]

A NIGHT STORY BY ACOUSTIC [Part 1]

2010-01-31T08:39:00.000-08:00

Close your eyes, I want to show you something.

I wonder what he is up to this time. Hee. Kay, but don’t keep it too long. You’re making me curious.

Promise you won’t look.

Yeah, I promise.

Well, close your eyes then. This way.

…

You can look now. Woowwww~! That’s so beautiful! You think so?

Yeeaahhh! I can see everything from up here… look! That’s the island we went to the other day.

I know. I couldn’t believe it’s that far.

Yeah, it was. But it was worth the boat trip wasn’t it? The wind, the smell of the sea, the sky, blue everywhere…

I lost my cap.

Well that’s your own fault for not holding on to it. I told you over and over you should hold on to it.

You could have spoken louder.

Its common sense isn’t it? I bought you that as well.

I made up for you didn’t I?

Yeah. I haven’t had McDonalds’s in a long time. Hahaha.

……………

This is the first time we all have ever done this together. It really is fun. I mean, no parents, just you and your friends. You really were telling the truth. Hahaha.

What, you thought I was lying? I told you it would be worth your while. Only you kept on saying oh, I don’t want to. What if this, what if that… now look who’s smiling all the time?

Can’t I? Hahaha. I had the greatest time of my life. Why wouldn’t I be smiling?

Well, I’m just glad you had fun. Really?

Yeah. Makes it all the more worthwhile for all that effort in trying to persuade you into coming here.

Yiiihhhhh~ I thought you really meant it there. But I did!

Hahaha.

……………………………

I wish he was here right now… It would’ve been so much more fun if he was here. He really knows how to have a good time. And all this fun we could have had together.

You miss him?

Yeah… but at least he told me he’ll propose to me as soon as he got back. That’ll make things more “official”. That gives me something to look forward to!

Did he? Good for you then.

Hey... something wrong. No. Why?

Dunno. You kinda spaced out a bit just now. Was I? My mind was somewhere else just now.

That got me thinking. When exactly are you going to get a girlfriend?

Why ask that question all of a sudden?

Just suddenly crossed my mind. Haven’t found a girl who can steal that lion heart of yours?

Well… not really.

Not really?? Really?! Wowwww! I thought no one could have attracted you even the least bit. Who’s the lucky girl then?

Nah, not gonna tell you. Awww, cmonnnn.

No, seriously. Im not gonna say anything. And she probably wouldn’t want me anyway.

No girl can resist you, you know. I have lots of girl friends who keep bugging me, asking me for your phone number and your email.

Did you tell them then? Yeah. Cos some of them look like good matches to you.

If that’s what you think then I’m not interested. You always pick the wrong type of girls.

Every girl is the wrong type to you. You just can’t settle for one nice girl and stick to her.

You know I never had a girlfriend before.

Really? How about that girl the other day you were with at the mall? What girl?

You know. The one in West Street with you. I was gonna watch a movie, and I saw you in there with her.

She was stalking me, and stuck to me till I had to be harsh to her. What did you do?

Said that I’m not interested in her, she’s the most boring person I ever met, and although she’s cute but she certainly isn’t my type.

That’s really mean of you. What happened then?

Got slapped. Hahahaha.

It wasn’t my fault. She’s the one who stalked me.

Well, you are pretty cold hearted on women. Not everyone.

Cos I’m your friend from childhood, dummy. Of course you can’t be cold to me. If you are then I won’t ever speak to you again.

Hahaha. You know I won’t. Anyway, who is this girl you fancy?

Are you still getting on with this? Let’s just drop it okay?

Not until you tell me who she is. Why are you so curious anyway?

Cos I know you since we were small. It’ll be good to finally see you going out with someone other than me. And no girl ever won your heart before.

You’re being too dramatic.

Cmoooonnnnnnn~ just tell meee. What’s so hard about it?

You won’t understand.

How do you know I wouldn’t? I just do.

Yeah, Mr. Know-it-all. And since when I never understand your problems? I’m always there for you aren’t I?

Yeah, true. Still, I’m not gonna tell you.

You are such an ass. Hahaha.

You got me all curious now. I’m not gonna let this go you know, so might as well tell me now.

Not now, alright.

If not now, when? We’re not gonna see each other in a veerryyy long time after this you know.

Well… Just tell me. Pleeeaaaseee~?

… alright alright. But promise me you won’t be over reactive later.

Why would I be over reactive?

Hey, I know you. You get all perked up over things like this. More than you necessarily should.

Hahaha. Alright, I promise. Well, here goes…

You don’t have to be so nervous. Hahaha.

Wait… they’re playing a song now. Another acoustic.

Heyyyyy~ this is that songgg. I love this one!

Care for a dance then?

I didn’t know you can dance. You don’t know half the things about me.

Just don’t stamp on my shoes. They’re brand new.

I bought them for you, silly. Oh yeah. Hahaha.

Anyway…

His hands… they’re so… so warm. Now that I think of it, he never touched me before. His grip on me… that’s so… soft…maybe this is why everyone’s wanted him so much.

Sigh…

He really can dance. If only he can dance like this. I would ask him to dance to this song with me everyday. Hahaha.

It’s such a perfect night. Why can’t it not be that way…? This so sucks…

Why is his heart thumping so hard? He can’t be that nervous can he?

So warm… I’m not gonna be able to stand this. Her hands… so soft…

He looks so handsome tonight… why haven’t I notice it before? It’s probably cos of the suit… makes him look smarter than he already is. Hahaha.

So beautiful… so near, and yet so far away.

All the guys are watching… this is soooo weird.

It’s cos of you… you’re so stunning under the moonlight.

[end part 1]

With thoughts

2010-01-23T12:29:00.000-08:00

With all that's been happening. I do hope this time around you'll stay.

No more of the foolish fights and battles.

No more of those unnecessary exchange of words that were created by lies.

I want to rest in peace. This time around.

Mungkin kini ku akan tenang disampingmu

[izati]

New Year.

2010-01-20T11:53:00.001-08:00

This is a really late post for the greeting the New Year, 2010. It's better late than never.

What was great about last year. I guess, I have to say about the most part of last year. From the start of it, Jan 2009 till June 2009. Twas great. I am greatly missing those moments where I feel that I can fly freely without noticing the consequences. Without thinking about the consequences.

All great dreams has come to an end. Sadly.

The year began well 2009. Ended with a crash.

That's all in the past now. I sense a new direction for me in the year 2010. Start anew. Turn over a new leaf. Let the past be a lesson. Let it not bring yourself down. The future not depends on what happened in the past. It depends on the decisions that we make out of it. :)

Set sail for the bright new future that's ahead.

-izati-

Mon Coeur

2009-12-10T05:32:00.000-08:00

All I ask from you is to be truthful. Untuk kau selalu setia.

I ask from you to be there for me, especially for the times I need you the most.

Saat diriku luka. When my world seem to come to an end.

My promise, is to take care of you. From your waking days to your sleeping nights.

Be it in your dreams and reality world
I will always be there for you. In life now and thereafter.

Jangan engkau pergi tinggalkan diriku.

I know I'm just a weak being. Yang selalu jatuh. Unlike, you, able to withstand anything.

I'm nothing compared to you. When you appeared, all I can do is run. Sadly, when I stopped running. You decide to pretend and move away. You gave up.

This is as heart full as I can do here.

I've tried to do the right thing. Asked myself, if it's really the right thing to do. Asked if it's really meant for me to keep. Meant for me to fight. Meant for me to prove. When I try to forget. Once more, when I try to run away. Things and paths just seems to cross again. I've tried avoiding. I've tried blocking. I've tried ignoring, though it hurts me doing so.

In my confusion, path just seemed to cross again. Right now, my only fight is to get into the right path. I'm only searching for the truth.

All I can do now, is hope for the better. I cannot, and for will ever, know if the thing that I'm doing is the right thing to do. All I know, when that thing feels right. When that thing feels surreal. When that thing feels forever. You should cherish it. Not to question it. Not to doubt it.

[izati]

Ne me quitte pas

2009-12-04T08:17:00.000-08:00

Tu me manque beacoup. Take time to realise, I am by your side. I'm right here. In front of you. I can't keep on spelling it out for you.

Est-ce que tu m'entend? We don't have to wonder, if we missed out on each other. Because that's the reality right now. I've been waiting. But, I can't keep on spelling it out to you.

Mon etoile d'espoir, ne me quitte pas, s'il vous plait.

Di sebalik kesulitan ada kebaikan.

-izati-

Mimpi

2009-11-27T13:40:00.000-08:00

Satu mimpi yang indah.

Telah diriku miliki.

Mengapa sukar untuk ku.

Buat mimpi itu selamanya.

Sudah lama ku mencarinya.

Hati ku pun terbuka.

Tapi mengapa akhirnya.

Hati ku yang terluka.

Mimpi itu indah buat ku.

Mengapa sukar bagi ku.

Buat mimpi itu selamanya.

Setelah diriku memilikinya.

Sukar buat ku.

Melupakan apa yang tercipta.

Mimpi yang ku alami.

Mimpi yang terindah.

[izati]

Mon Etoile D'espoir

2009-11-24T10:38:00.000-08:00

Ecoute moi, Mes amis.

Ecoute moi, chere etoile d'espoir.

Je suis dans la mer du peur.

Je ne comprendre pas pourqoui je suis ici.

Chere Etoile D'espoir, je me suis mourir du chargin.

Chere Etoile D'espoir. Je suis mort.

Chere Etoile D'espoir, Montrez moi la lumiere.

Chere Etoile D'espoir, Je suis peur.

Chere Etoile D'espoir. Aidez moi. Sil vous plait.

Chere Etoile D'espoir. Je suis Perdu.

Chere Etoile D'espoir. Je besoin de toi.

Ne me quitte pas sil vous plait.

Hungry

2009-11-19T16:09:00.000-08:00

I can't pretend that everything is the same. I can't keep on pretending that I'll be okay. Because I'M not.

I had enough of these foolish games. I can't pretend that I not missing every part of it. Because I DO. I MISS it A LOT.

I want the emotional yo-yo ride to stop. I WANT to go back in time where it seemed like everything was finally going my way. The way it is suppose to be.

I'm hungry for those times. I WANT TO GO BACK. I want things to go back to normal. I'm hungry to go back.

Is it wrong to want? Is it wrong to fight for what I think is right? Is it wrong?

Isn't it in nature to go against what's give to us? Isn't is nature, to fight for what we want?

Call me insane. BUT I'm hungry.

Jangan ada erti mengalah

2009-11-17T00:05:00.000-08:00

Of course there would be those small group of people mistakenly analyze that phrase differently to what I meant by it. I'm here to say exactly what in mind.

All theses questions starting with the "what if's" drives me crazy. I've come to a point where, I "just do". Yeah sure, I'll ask a few people if it's the sensible thing to do. But that does not mean I won't do it. It'll just delay my course.

I'm not giving up. But that's up to the rest to realize that I'm still here.

I've never gave up. But only time will decide.

I will not give up. But that's just me being optimistic.

[izati]

Selamat Hari Jadi

2009-11-05T15:34:00.000-08:00

Birthday Dedication to Ucu Lai :) Selamat Hari Jadi!!

Shall be seeing you soon. That's my birthday present to you. AHAH. :P

-Izati-

2009-11-04T03:07:00.000-08:00

Sesungguhnya Manusia melampaui batas sebab dia melihat dirinya serba cukup.

Ingatlah, kita bukannya sempurna. Ingatlah, masa kita didunia hanya sementara. Ingatlah.

[.]

battlefield

2009-11-01T07:45:00.000-08:00

Don't rush into a battle, to lose a war.

Surah Al-Insyirah, ayat 6 :

"Sesungguhnya sesudah kesulitan itu ada kemudahan."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Unnecessary to declare war with me.

Poisoned

2009-11-01T03:16:00.000-08:00

Mind. Heart. Poisoned by envy, jealousy, hatred.

Make it stop.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wrong to be missing you?

Someone has told me

2009-10-28T11:12:00.000-07:00

Song : Carla Bruni

On me dit que nos vies ne valent pas grand chose,
Elles passent en un instant comme fanent les roses.
On me dit que le temps qui glisse est un salaud
Que de nos chagrins il s'en fait des manteaux
Pourtant quelqu'un m'a dit...

(Refrain)
Que tu m'aimais encore,
C'est quelqu'un qui m'a dit que tu m'aimais encore.
Serait-ce possible alors ?

On me dit que le destin se moque bien de nous
Qu'il ne nous donne rien et qu'il nous promet tout
Parait qu'le bonheur est porte de main,
Alors on tend la main et on se retrouve fou
Pourtant quelqu'un m'a dit ...

(au refrain)

Mais qui est-ce qui m'a dit que toujours tu m'aimais?
Je ne me souviens plus c'etait tard dans la nuit,
J'entends encore la voix, mais je ne vois plus les traits
"Il vous aime, c'est secret, lui dites pas que j'vous l'ai dit"
Tu vois quelqu'un m'a dit...

Que tu m'aimais encore, me l'a-t-on vraiment dit...
Que tu m'aimais encore, serait-ce possible alors ?

On me dit que nos vies ne valent pas grand chose,
Elles passent en un instant comme fanent les roses
On me dit que le temps qui glisse est un salaud
Que de nos tristesses il s'en fait des manteaux,
Pourtant quelqu'un m'a dit que...

(au refrain)

Favorite line :

They say the destiny played us like a fool. It promised us everything, but it gave us nothing.

Mission : Rescue

2009-10-28T01:41:00.000-07:00

Status Update :

Rescuing a confused person from the claws of a tyrant.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's all about doing what's right.

Accused

2009-10-23T04:23:00.000-07:00

You accuse me of being a liar. You accuse me of being a selfish jerk.

You accuse me for theft.

I say, you're a hypocrite. I say, You stop assuming things.

I say, You cannot comprehend.

You say you're sorry. I say those are just empty words.

You made everyone believed your version of the truth.

You made everyone pity You by your story.

I feel pity for You.

You may be strong at shooting words, but as a person You are weak.

Nevertheless, I admire You.

You can take a bow now. You have put up quite a show.

I give You many flowers in envy. I salute You.

I may not be the greatest fighter.

I may not be the best. I know I am not perfect.

But at least, I know my place.

I know where I belong. I know my being.

I do not have to force. I never did force.

Things just happened. Things will happen.

Truth will come out eventually. Only time will tell.

I'm an innocent bystander.

I respected You. You disrespected me.

Now, I bet You adieu.

Thank You for making my life filled with drama.

Thank You for being such a good role model.

Thank You.

2009-10-23T00:50:00.000-07:00

Diantara keinginan untuk memiliki and mencintai adalah berbeza.

The want for to possess and to love is different.

The state of being in love and just love is different.

Diantara menyayangi dan mencintai adalah sangat berbeza.

One thing I've learnt, people will not change just because they say they'll change. Even if they promise they will. The fact still stands, it is very unlikely they will change. Changes in people only happens unknowingly.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Are you a fighter jat?" Unlikely.

"Are you an innocent bystander?" very likely.

"Are you giving up?" Unlikely

2009-10-12T04:21:00.000-07:00

Something that I was reminded of last night.

Jodoh itu terbahagi kepada 3 jenis:

1) Jodoh Syaitan

Ertinya: Berjalan, berdua-duaan. Akan selalu ada orang ketiga mengikuti perjalanan kita. Dia itu adalah makluk syaitan. Selalu mencuba menghasuti hati kita untuk membuat perkara yang dilarang. [Nauzibillah] Yang ditakutkan adalah sampai perempuan itu menjadi bulat diperut.

2) Jodoh Jin

Ertinya: A ada hati pada B. B tidak ada hati pada A. A tidak putus asa, sampai menggunakan ahli sihir. Menggunakan ilmu makluk Jin. Jin memasuki kedalam badan B, sampai B berpikiran yang B telah jatuh kepada tangan A. A dan B, akhirnya dengan tidak disedari oleh B, berkawin.

3) Jodoh Allah

Ertinya: Apabila mata berpandangan lalu berkenan didalam hati. Berkenalan sebagai kawan. No physical communication. Just talk. Lalu masuk pinang dan diterima oleh wanita itu. Lalu, berkawin.

Ku Percaya, tiada yang sia-sia. Segala yang terjadi ada hikmahnya. Hanya pada Mu aku merayu.

Ku tahu, pertemuan dan jodoh itu ditangan Tuhan. Percaya pada keadaan Qa'da dan Qadar.

Ku tak akan sekali-kali memaksa. Ku tak akan sekali-kali putus asa.

Pada masa ini, perhatian ku adalah hanya pada pelajaran. Pelajaran academic dan hidup.

Pada masa ini, perjuangan ku adalah untuk mencari kebenaran.

Pasa masa ini, perasaan ku akan diselimuti dengan penuh kesabaran.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

On the side note,

Ku tahu perasaan ku ini tidak salah. Ku tahu dalam masa kebenaran akan menujukkan dirinya.

Terpulanglah pada orang itu untuk percaya kepada panggilan hati.

[izati]

eating in early morning

2009-10-10T21:09:00.000-07:00

Spent the whole day till the next morning with the girls. Menganyam Ketupat is what we learnt and made. Embracing our Malay Culture, because we know we cannot forget who and where we come from.

Haven't slept since yesterday (10th October) 5am. Now it's 5.18 am (11th October). Whole 24 hours run of non-sleeping. Going for 36 hours of non-sleeping.

Ate late dinner and very early breakfast at 3.44am. Atu kelaparan.

It's 5.25am. Sitting in front of this blank screen. Talking to Nad. Random things. Drama. More Random things.

Karang,

at 10am. Plan is to go jogging at Hdye park. Normal Sunday Routine.

12pm onwards. Just going with the flow.

~~This information is for people who LIKE to keep track of my days.~~

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

On the side note,

Pendirian ku tak akan berubah. Kebahagiaan keluarga ku adalah menjadi kebahagiaanku. Kebahagiaan orang lain adalah pilihan sendiri. Terpulanglah pada mereka untuk berada di jalan yang KeBenaran.

Jika mencari kebenaran itu salah, hindarkan lah diriku

Jika mencari kekuataan itu salah, jauhkan lah diriku

Jika mencari kebahagiaan itu salah, hilangkan itu dari diriku,

[izati]

Missing.

2009-10-09T13:50:00.000-07:00

I adore you. I like you. I miss someone.

Aufa sulia. Triplets. Doubles. Family.

Kura-kura. Arnab.

The advice I was given recently,

"After a fall get right back up. Don't care what people say. Stand Tall. You can do this. "

Segala cobaan adalah kekuataan diri kita. Right now, penuhkan diri dengan kesabaran.

-izati-

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On the side note

Pertolongan dan kemenangan datangnya dari Allah SWT. Jauhkan lah diriku dari fitnah orang dan fitnah hati. Diriku hanya mencari kebenaran.

Kesabaran

2009-10-09T00:00:00.000-07:00

Surah Al-Baqarah Ayat 153:

Hai orang-orang yang beriman, mintalah pertolongan kepada Allah dengan sabar dan solat. Sesungguhnya Allah berserta orang- orang yang sabar.

Dengan ini, aku bersabar. Sebab aku percaya dengan masa, kebenaran itu akan menunjukkan dirinya.

-izati-

Dal's Back in "Longdun"

2009-10-07T23:54:00.000-07:00

7th October 2009

Dal's back in the city. My partner in crime. Tapi kesian, she is being sick in bed right now. Lagi kesian nya, she has to put up with me another year.. Laps you Daldal.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

On the side note:

Salahkah aku menyampaikan kebenaran? Salahkah aku mencarinya? Salahkah aku merinduinya?

Happy Birthday Roomie

2009-10-03T02:28:00.000-07:00

A dedication Birthday celebration to my lovely roomie Dalila. Happy Birthday Lovie.

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ON the side note.

I've let my guard down. In time you will too. In hoping so, we'll be happier.

Summer Ends Now.

2009-09-26T17:00:00.000-07:00

26th September, 2009. Arrival at London, England. 2nd year of Uni starts. I'm happy and very grateful that I got through. At the same time, I'm very afraid for what's ahead of me.

Before the summer started I had high hopes for 2nd year. Thought all my problems would just blow away with the wind during summer. Alas, the problem has just begun to unfold itself.

New goal for this year. Stop getting lost. Get a grip of the future.

-blackbuterfly-

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On the side note.

I miss you. Like you said it best, "Kura-kura hanya tahu berpura-pura, Arnab pula hanya tahu berlari". I'm guessing this time it's my turn to run away. Even though, I know that's the wrong thing to do. I'm really missing you.

Suspended

2009-08-24T18:12:00.000-07:00

This post shall be my last. I think. I want to recover myslef. I've lost myself. Till I find myself back, I shall not return.

Pray for me DEAR readers, my Friends, That everything will be fine. AMIN.

Last,

Blackbuterfly, Izati

1st Day Puasa :)

2009-08-22T04:40:00.000-07:00

Alhamdullilah. Survived thru the 1st day. Can't wait to fast for the whole month:) So excited. ahhh. Wuhoo~

And I'm very excited to leave London again :P This time around, I can finally enjoy the long awaited summer with family. Tommorrow's the flight :) Right now, I'm doing last minute things such as :

Vacuuming.
Laundry.
Taking out the trash.
Dusting the room.
Packing my luggages :)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

ON the side note:

Why? Till summer ends. That's it. No longer than the summer. My patience has it's limits.

-Blackbuterfly-

Bulan Ramadhan Menjelma Tiba

2009-08-21T07:43:00.000-07:00

1. Ramadhan jalan menuju ketaqwaan

Allah berfirman: “Wahai orang-orang yang beriman, diwajibkan atas kalian puasa sebagaimana diwajibkan atas kaum sebelum kalian, agar kalian bertaqwa”. (Al Baqarah: 183).

Ayat di atas menerangkan bahwa puasa adalah sebab yang bisa mengantarkan pelakunya menuju ketaqwaan, karena puasa mampu meredam syahwat. Ini sesuai dengan salah satu penafsiran yang disebutkan Imam Al Qurthubi, yang berpatokan kepada hadits riwayat Imam Ahmad yang menyebutkan bahwa puasa adalah perisai.

2. Ramadhan bulan mujahadah

Para ulama’ salaf adalah suri tauladan bagi umat, mujahadah mereka dalam mengisi bulan Ramadhan amat perlu dicontoh. Seperti Imam Asyafi’i, dalam bulan Ramadhan beliau menghatamkan Al-Quran dua kali dalam semalam, dan iti dikerjakan di dalam shalat, sehingga dalam bulan Ramadhan beliau menghatamkan Al-Quran enam puluh kali dalam sebulan. Imam Abu Hanifah juga menghatamkan Al-Quran dua kali dalam sehari selama Ramadhan.

3. Puasa Ramadhan menumbuhkan sifat amanah

Wahbah Zuhaili dalam bukunya Al Fiqh Al Islami berpendapat bahwa puasa mengajarkan rasa amanat dan muraqabah di hadapan Allah Ta’ala, baik dengan amalan yang nampak maupun yang tersembunyi. Maka tidak ada yang mengawasi seseorang yang berpuasa agar menghindari hal-hal yang dilarang dalam berpuasa kecuali Allah Ta’ala

4. Puasa Ramadhan melatih kedisiplinan

Puasa juga melatih kedisplinan, Wahbah Zuhaili menjelaskan bahwa seorang yang berpuasa harus makan dan minum dalam waktu yang terbatas. Bahkan dalam berbuka puasapun harus disegerakan.

5. Puasa Ramadhan menumbuhkan rasa solidaritas sesama muslim

Wahbah Zuhali juga menjelaskan bahwa puasa Ramadhan menumbuhkan rasa solidaritas di antara sesama muslim. Pada bulan ini semua umat Islam, dari timur hingga barat diwajibkan untuk menjalankan puasa. Mereka berpuasa dan berbuka dalam waktu yang sama, dikarenaka mereka memiliki Rabb yang satu.

Seorang yang merasa lapar dan dahaga akhirnya juga bisa ikut merasakan kesengsaraan saudara-saudaranya yang kekurangan atau tertimpa bencana. Sehingga tumbuh perasaan kasih sayang terhadap umat Islam yang lain.

6. Puasa Ramadhan melatih kesabaran

Bulan Ramadhan adalah bulan puasa di mana pada siang hari kita diperintahkan meninggalkan makanan yang asalnya halal, terlebih lagi yang haram. Begitu pula di saat ada seseorang mengganggu kita. Rasulullah Saw. bersabda: “Bila seseorang menghina atau mencacinya, hendaknya ia berkata 'Sesungguhnya aku sedang puasa." (HR. Bukhari)

7. Puasa Ramadhan menyehatkan

Rasulullah bersabda: ”Berpuasalah, maka kamu akan sehat” (HR. Ibnu Sunni), ada yang menyatakan bahwa hadits ini dhoif, akan tetapi ada pula yang menyatakan bahwa derajat hadits ini sampai dengan tingkat hasan (lihat, Fiqh Al Islami wa Adilatuh, hal 1619).

Tapi makna matan hadist bisa tetap diterima, karena puasa memang menyehatkan. Al Harits bin Kaldah, tabib Arab yang pernah mengabdi kepada Rasulullah Saw. juga pernah menyatakan:”Lambung adalah tempat tinggal penyakit dan sedikit makanan adalah obatnya”.

8. Lailatul Qadar adalah hadiah dari Allah untuk umat.

Ini Diriwayatkan oleh Imam Malik dalam Al Muwatha’, dia telah mendengar dari seorang ahlul ilmi tsiqah yang telah mengatakan: “Sesungguhnya telah diperlihatkan usia-usia umat sebelumnya kepada Rasulullah Saw., atau apa yang telah Allah kehendaki dari hal itu, dan sepertinya usia umat beliau tidak mampu menyamai amalan yang telah dicapai oleh umat-umat sebelumnya, maka Allah memberi beliau Lailatul Qadar yang lebih baik daripada seribu bulan.” (HR. Malik).

9. Ramadhan bulan ampunan Bulan.

Rasulullah Saw. bersabda: “Dan siapa yang berpuasa Ramadhan dengan didasari keimanan dan pengharapan ridha Allah, diampunkan untuknya dosa yang telah lalu.” (HR. Bukhari)

10. Siapa yang dilihat Allah, maka ia terbebas dari adzab-Nya

Dari Jabir bin Abdullah ra. Rasulullah Saw. bersabda: ”Pada bulan Ramadhan umatku dianugerahi lima perkara yang tidak diberikan kepada nabi-nabi sebelumku. Yang pertama, sesungguhnya jika Allah melihat mereka di awal malam dari bulan Ramadhan, dan barang siapa yang telah dilihat Allah maka Ia tidak akan mengadzabnya selamanya…” (HR. Baihaqi).
[Di kutip dari :http://swaramuslim.net/islam/more.php?id=5550_0_4_0_M]

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On the side note:

" Si kura-kura hanya tahu berpura-pura, Si arnab pula hanya tahu berlari"

-Blackbuterfly-

Circus In the Square

2009-08-20T14:49:00.000-07:00

Circus in Norflok Square, London

20th August 2009

The Performing Act

Dancing on Hoop

Having fun we are :)

I feel like a kid again :P

Balancing Act

Acrobatic Salsa Dancing

Wuhoo~

Amongst the Spectators

The juggling clown and host

Brunei Hall's Cute-ness

Random street baby :P

Entrance to the Square

All smiles

Face painting

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ON the side note:

Because your eyes have seen another. Because your ears have heard loving caresses of another. Because your tongue have spoken loving caresses to another. Because your hands have touched the hand of another. Because you legs have carried you places together with another. Because, painfully, your heart is slowly falling for another.

Song:Doubled me

2009-08-19T15:21:00.000-07:00

Doubled me - Original Blackbuterfly

Note: Opinions are greatlly appreciated. This song is out of boredom.

-blackbuterfly-

Bahagia

2009-08-19T12:09:00.000-07:00

Bahagia - Cynthia Lamusu & Surya Saputra

Kekasihku... Lihatlah...
Tlah kau hapus luka dihatiku
Oh Sayangku...
Rasakanlah ini anugrah atas nama cinta

Katakan Pada dunia...
Kamu dan aku bahagia
Semoga cinta kan terjaga selamanya
Terima kasih Tuhan...
Kau beri aku seorang yang mendampingiku
Didalam suka dan duka

Kekasihku... Lihatlah...
Tlah kau hapus luka dihatiku
Oh Sayangku...
Rasakanlah ini anugrah atas nama cinta

-Blackbuterfly-

Mission Impossible

2009-08-18T12:18:00.000-07:00

Objective: To find and buy a shelf to put binders and textsbooks on :P

So I went to the a place recommended by mum, at Whiteleys. Sadly, this store was no more. So the trip to Bayswater was a waste. Next stop was Oxford street. One store after the other. NO shelf found. Until I stopped by John Lewis. 3rd floor. Amazing store!! Found the shelf, but very expensive for my taste and my student money. So walked back to Paddington. Wondering why I did not use the bus.

lalala~

I stopped by at Argos, trying my luck.

Wuhooo~ My luck. They have my shelf. Under my budget too. Very conveniently enough.

Bought it. Me being very naive, and thought that I had the strenght. I walked back to Bru hall carrying the package.

ahahahaha:p Why oh why? Barat . All worth it.

The Finish Product: [Drum Roll]

What's leftover, and should have been used:

Still wondering what I should with these:

-Blackbuterfly-

Ma Promenade De Reconnaisance

2009-08-17T10:57:00.000-07:00

Taking a nice walk at Hyde Park :)

Such a lovely day. Just to sit under the bright sun.

Out seeing birds flying. Lying on the velvet grass:)

Such a Realiver of stress. Nature.

You tend to forget about everything.

AAHHaaahhhh~

I'm at peace. Alhamdullilah.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On the side note,

I would like to wish my very own cutey pie Babu Idah

Joyeux Birthday!!

okay, I shall resist the temptation of revealing the age :( It is just a number anyway.

I lap lap you.

Hope Babu Enjoy the cake as last year. Well enjoy it more than tahun lepas :P

-blackbuterfly-

It's a plane

2009-08-16T11:39:00.000-07:00

Wuhoo!!Wusshh!! So much Imagination from his wittle head. Wuhhoo!!Wusshh!!

Mabye that plane will deliver your book arif~ ahahaha:P

-Blackbuterfly-

The inspiration

2009-08-14T10:25:00.000-07:00

I've got asked a few times about the story behind the name, "Blackbuterfly". So here's the story.

In words terms, black stands for the mystery of one self. Black also signifies of how life can turn ridiculously upside down. That's where the word buterfly comes in. With wings, I can fly, soaring up into the blue sky away from the darkness. Into new light. Why the one letter "t"? As a reminder not to repeat any mistakes that I've done in the past (black). So that it'll stay unique, and as a lesson.

I've also got the inspiration from the song Blackbutterfly (1984) by Deniece Williams. Everytime I get confuse, this would be one of the songs that I calm too. Very inspirational. Very soothing. Once you listen to lyrics, you'll understand why.

Well, that's all I guess that's all . NO. That'll be a lie if I say that's all. I have more, but then it's too personal :P

Alrights.

Peace

-Blackbuterfly-

My Date with Faizah <3

2009-08-13T12:51:00.000-07:00

Location: London, UK :P

Date : 13th August 2009

Tis was a fun day. aha:)

Reasons:

1) I finally got off my books and hit the roads.

2) I wasn't alone

3) I had a date :) Faizah!! :)

For lunch we had subway arah Edgware Road. Then we watch the VERY action-packed movie,

G.I. Joe. Truely very american I might add. But I TRUELY did enjoy watching it. So did Fai. :) And Fai got to taste her "first" Ben and Jerry smoothie.

Lepas tu, we found our way to Selfridges. Fai's first entry to Selfridges BTW! aha :) So cute eh that girl.

Last stop was Primark. Where I couldn't stop myslef any longer from buying the shoes that was calling me since last Tuesday. aha

And how uberly cool and nice of a sister am I? I got my sis a pair too~

Aites, now it's me off to studying.

-blackbuterfly-

s[HE] be[LIE]ves

2009-08-12T08:51:00.000-07:00

That title, that pharse. Explains alot. Never could tell if anything is true anymore. Sigh.

-blackbuterfly-

Uni during the summer. Is a bummer

2009-08-11T00:31:00.000-07:00

Aqua Spa

2009-08-02T19:13:00.000-07:00

Location: Queens Mall, NY
As you can see, we went on a Spa trip. Well not we, more of Dad, is on an unplanned Spa trip. This "Spa" treatment uses a machine called "Aqua Massage". Water plus pressure equals to tranquility to body muscle and mind :)

Waiting point.

Moment of truth. 20minutes of relaxation.

Getting ready now.

Inside the machine. Wonder what goes on in there?...

Waiting..

A bit of curiosity

After 20 minutes of aqua massage and dozing off..

Welcome back Dad. Enjoyed?

This stuff works!!Proven by me

On the side note,

Love,
Blackbuterfly

Ichi Umi

2009-08-01T21:24:00.000-07:00

Yum Yum Sushi Buffet. Ichi Umi. Pleasant. Nice environment. Very sedap. Expensive but very tasteful. Place to be if you find yourself craving for sushi and seafood platter for buffet, in NYC.

Waiting for our table patiently :)

Plate numero une

Plate numero deux

The buffet serving

Don't mind if I take some off your plate right?

Ehe:) Smile

Dad enjoying his plate

Mum doesn't eat sushi, but she's very much enjoying her seafood platter.

At the end of the day. All of us came with empty stomach. Left with very much filled :)

Love,
Blackbuterfly

Sweet Tooth

2009-07-31T23:17:00.000-07:00

For ALL sweet candy chocolate lovers, I would like to present to you

[Drum Roll...]

Dylan's Candy Shop

That's right. Dylan's candy shop. Filled with candy. Chocolate. Harry Potter's Magical Chocolate Frogs. Collections of Nerds. Varieties of Chocolate bars known to man. You name it, they got it. Well at least, until it's sold out.

I didn't manage to go on picturing spree. I got distracted by all the chocolates. Sorry.
Just enjoy what I have :)

Marshmallow Shooter. Imagine that shooting at a target:P

Wonka's Wonderland Gotta have the Nerds

The basement, it's 3 floors of goodness

The Varieties of Chocolate Bars

Argh. I should be ashamed by this picture. I was on sugar RUSH. Malu eh.

Love,
Blackbuterfly

Happy Thoughts

2009-07-31T00:00:00.000-07:00

Happy Happy Happpy thoughts..:)
Always be Happy.

I used to have this blue watch. I do believe it was my first watch. ANYWAYS, it managed to keep me smiling the whole time. Every time, I look at it, it constantly reminds me,

"Don't worry, Be Happy"

That's what I loved about that watch, not only it tells the time. It also comes with confidence boast.

I wonder what had happened to that watch..sigh..forever gone.

Well, where ever that watch may be, I shall always be thankful for being my side. Giving me that confidence. Thank you watch!! and Thank you parents for giving it to me :).

Aha:P apakan?

This is how it looked like

This is all random topic. aha:P That's all for today.

Peace!
Blackbuterfly

My Prayers

2009-07-30T00:00:00.000-07:00

YA-ALLAH YA-RAHIM, YA ALLAH YA-RAZZAK, YA-ALLAH YA-ZALJALA LIWAL IKRAM

It means, Ya Allah, forgive me and others of our sins, grant me gifts that are good, a job that is well in earth and heaven, answer and grant me my humble plea.

That is all I ask. For I KNOW I've done sins. As a human I cannot escape this.

I want to be in peace with others. I've never wanted to create a fight.

Please don't blame me. I only chose for the path of everyone's happiness. Was I wrong?

|blackbuterfly|

Beautiful Smile

2009-07-29T07:20:00.000-07:00

Siapakah orang yang manis senyumannya?
What kind of a person have the sweetest smile?

Orang yang mempunyai senyuman yang manis adalah orang yang ditimpa musibah lalu dia berkata

"Lillahi wainna illaihi rajiun"

Lalu berkata,

"Ya Rabbi aku redha dengan ketentuanMu ini"

Sambil mengukir senyuman. :)

Wahai saudaraku, satu senyuman itu ada umpama sedekah kepada yang lain. It can bring peace to the ones who's been suffering. So smile everyday. Cheerish every minor/major defect in your life.
If I can smile at my little problems and dramas right now. So can you. Trust me, others have suffered much worst. Be greatful you are not suffering as much as they are. Pray for those who can't enjoy the beauty of a smile. For they are missing one of the greatest joy in life.

Peace everyone. Enjoy your smile. Spread the love

-Izati-

Neverland

2009-07-28T09:15:00.000-07:00

If only Neverland existed. To never grow up. No responsibilities. No major problems. No major drama. Just you, the lost boys and Peterpan. Having fun living life.

Sigh. Not thinking straight, is not me. This is me not thinking straight. lalalallalalallalalalalablulblublu. See...I do need help. Hahahah:P apakan?

I just want to be broken free from this unusual roller coaster of emotions. Awaiting for a true hero to come and rescue me):) <--[see what I mean? I can't figure out if I'm happy or I'm sad]

I'm a prisoner of the present situation.

Break me free

Lot of love,
Blackbuterfly

Putting my mask on

2009-07-27T11:31:00.000-07:00

I'm putting my mask on, till someone unveils me my true feelings.

Why is life full of drama? Being girls are we condemned into being overly dramatic about things? Sigh. I've always wondered what it would be like to be a guy. AHA:p But then again I love being a girl.

Drama Drama Drama.!

Get me out of out of this
Love,
Blackbuterfly

Officialy Utterly Confused

2009-07-26T17:25:00.000-07:00

I was once taught by a wise person, in order to do the right thing you have to know what you've done wrong. Start from scratch. If everything else fails follow your heart.

It's easier said than done. To follow your heart. The more I think about the situation in hand, the more confuse I get. I want to do the right thing. But, somehow the guilt factor just kicks in saying it's all my fault. It's not though. It really is not my fault. I'm merely wanting everyone to be happy. Is that wrong? That's the only path I chose. Sigh. Why is everything so easy but yet so complicated happen? Why now?

I really don't know what I'm doing actually. But as the saying goes, I'm following my heart.

Some one please save me from my confusion.

love,
blackbuterfly

Things About Us.

2009-07-20T20:44:00.000-07:00

When a Girl is quiet ... millions of things are running in her mind.

When a Girl is not arguing ... she is thinking deeply.

When a Girl looks at u with eyes full of questions ... she is wondering how long you will be around.

When a Girl answers ' I'm fine ' after a few seconds ... she is not at all fine.

When a Girl stares at you ... she is wondering why you are lying.

When a Girl lays on your chest ... she is wishing for you to be hers forever.

When a Girl wants to see you everyday... she wants to be pampered.

When a Girl says ' I love you ' ... she means it.

When a Girl says ' I miss you ' ... no one in this world can miss you more than that.

Life only comes around once make sure you spend it with the right person....

Find a Guy .. who calls you beautiful instead of hot.

Who calls you back when you hang up on him.

Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.

Wait for the guy who ... kisses your forehead.

Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats.

Who holds your hand in front of his friends.

Who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you.

Who turns to his friends and says, 'That's her!! '

[I got this off an e-mail. How very true are these points eh?. I'd say very real.]

Lots of love,
Blackbuterfly

Girls Stand your guards

2009-07-19T14:25:00.000-07:00

When a guy says he loves you. Watch what he does. That's when you know he's sincere. Don't believe every word he says. Guys mostly speak through their actions. That's when they are really sincere.
"Watch what he does, not what he says" Jat

When a guy leaves you. Let him be. Respect his choice. Just give him the space that he needs. Don't beg for him to stay, because obviously he made his mind up. Never show any desperation signs to the guy. This will just show how vulnerable you are. Seriously, you are stronger than that. Keep your dignity.

Never try to make the guy like you. This is not the way to go. Where's your dignity? If the guy likes you, he'll do what ever it takes for you to notice him. Your job is to look cute yet sophisticated, bubbly yet daring. If he likes you, he'll notice you. Seriously.
"There is no such things as making a guy like you. They'll like you if they like you" Dal.

Never go for the pity way. It's bad enough that you feel bad about yourself. You don't want a relationship where he is in it because he feels bad for you .Where he's in it because of he feels guilty and he pities you. Don't ever pity yourself. Stop if you do. We are stronger than that. Think more "we can do something about it." No more kesian aku. No more pity me. More yes I can. More I can do so much better.
"no more! why do you think they have woman's day? that is to show that women have pride just as equivalent to men, men don't cave so can women!" Pah.

YES WE ARE!!!!!
WE ARE STRONG
WE ARE MUSLIMAH!! -Wise words from the triplets.

Lots of love,
Blackbuterfly

Here We Go Again

2009-07-07T19:29:00.000-07:00

aha:P
hfeiagfu;jga...
I really have no say today.
MJ Memorial took place today.

Shall post tres soon.

xox,
blackbuterfly

Happy Birthday Dad!!!

2009-07-01T13:12:00.000-07:00

Sploosh (?)

2009-06-30T13:37:00.000-07:00

Vain Moment In NYC recorded:

Virus! Careful now

2009-06-27T17:12:00.000-07:00

This is bad!

This is very bad!

Gotta Be careful Citizens of Brunei. In a week the virus spread fast.

Just look at the graph produced by Brudirect.com members:

This is horrifying. Hopefully the rest of the Anak-anak ayam who will be joining the rest in Brunei.

Have a safe trip you guys.

XOX,
Blackbuterfly

Feelings

2009-06-26T20:33:00.000-07:00

Hard to describes feelings..These emotions..

How you feel deep inside, I guess you can describe it. Into your own words. To make other people, your audience, feel what you feel. You would describe them in ways imaginable just so your audience can feel what you feel. Can understand what you've just endured. Then you'll feel good about yourself because your audience will say "Don't worry. Everything is alright. I know how you feel."

Moments later you'll find yourself in the same position as before. Helpless and Hopeless. Thinking,"Hey! Those people cannot actually say that they exactly know how I feel. How could they? They don't have what I have. Sure they have similar things like I do, but not the exact same thing that I have. So, how could they claim that they know how I feel? They could not have endured the things that I've endured. Exactly to the very detailed way I've endured it." Then you'll feel sad again. Knowing that you are alone. You find yourself in the darkest corner. Sitting. Barely noticeable. Alone. Sad isn't it?

Now, Here I go again.
This is how I feel. Sad, un-comprehensible, left alone and hanging on a thread that is meant to break any moment.

Will this cycle of emotions ever end?

xox,
Blackbuterfly

Back in NYC

2009-06-21T22:13:00.000-07:00

Been here for exactly one week now. Nothing much changed around the city. New protests here and there. Loud honking noises of the cars. Loud sounds from the renovation machinery. Just plain Loud every where. Inside and Out.

No wonder I feel I want to scream everyday that I spend around here. But, the only thing that keeps me sane is the sight of my family. Once again re-united after the long 9 months academic 1st year of Uni.

My family will always be there for me no matter what I end up doing. I love them.

I really do want to scream right now. I'm in such in a confusion state that, I can't even think straight. I know I have to put my head high and release every tension there is to it. SiGH. Why is this happening to me again?

She makes me laugh

2009-05-13T13:03:00.000-07:00

An e-mail that I've received yesterday.
Which I've only read a few seconds ago.
It's from my dearest sister.
A little note Wanah, you really have to get a life.
Find something beneficial to do.
Stop wasting you time.
Life is to short to mock around!~

ESEH, Bagi lecture orang tia dah. I am getting old.

Oh NO!

xox, Blackbuterfly

The E-Mail :

Ronald Mcdonald

Oatmeal

Tangerines r nice.....Not

Television r things of the past...r they realy

Egg salad r 4 square..which means they r perfect 4 u

Nurture a dwarf mongoose which care or they will bite u

Hi u A buMblehead
i dont like

that pic that u put on ur blog

so u beter put it off ur blogspot

cuz if u dont then i will

start giving u thosands of msgs everysingle

day until u die or til u take the pic of

ur blogspot!!!!!!

PS(i know where u live & what u did in the summer!!)

PSS(its not when u came to a certain place at a certain time for a certain time period!!!!)

i spelled ham coz ur romm most likely smells worst than rotten ham or it might just be u!!! hahahah i am not kidding!!!!!!

seriously u should take a bath at least once a month kaka *tsk* *tsk* *tsk*

By the way i wrote this at 11:12pm and i had nothing better to do.

+ i didnt want to sleep....

Lame Joke

2009-05-06T14:25:00.000-07:00

2 days ago.
Dal and I was bored. I was trying to get Chemistry into me thick skull.
Dal was surfing through the net. This was what she found.

Here it goes:

The Monk

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?"

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound; a sound like no other that he has ever heard. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk."

The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery.

The monks again accept him, feed him, and even fix his car.

That night, he hears the same strange mesmerizing sound that he had heard years earlier.

The next morning, he asks what the sound was, but the monks reply, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk."

The man says, "All right, all right. I'm dying to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was, is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?

The monks reply, you must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.

The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, "I have traveled the earth and devoted my life to the task demanded and have found what you had asked for. There are 371,145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth."

The monks reply, "Congratulations, you are correct and now you are a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound."

The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, "The sound is behind that door."

The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He asks, "May I have the key?"

The monks give him the key, and he opens the door.

Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man requests the key to the stone door.

The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. And so it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst.

Finally, the monks say, "This is the key to the last door."

The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is astonished to find the source of that strange sound.

It is truly an amazing and unbelievable sight . . . But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.

John Burke

Had fun reading it?

Lame joke of the day.

xox,

Blackbuterfly

Overly Exhausted

2009-05-06T11:27:00.000-07:00

I am completely drained today.

arrgh..
I really have no energy left. I'm completely, utterly in shuttering exhaustion.
I absolutely cannot feel anything but the pain.
Pain that is causing my Heart Ache.
My Head Ache. My Arms Numb. My Legs Wobbly. My Eyes Blurry.

This is starting to be one huge Nightmare, which derived from a Beautiful wonder of existence.
How did I choose the wrong thing, when I knew from the very beginning exactly what I wanted?
How did I end up doing this instead of what I dreamed of?

Sigh.

I can complain. I can cry a river about it. I can beat myself for it. I can wonder and fight my head thoughts about it.

Alas, I know none of these would help me.

Complain no more, I shall. I have to regain my will to power back. I have to strive on with or with it. I have to see the silver lining.

This I know I have too. I just have too.

Courage. Regain back the energy that I once have. I have too.

Complaining. Will not help. Crying about it. Will definitely NOT help.

Breathe and Move on.

There are far more better things in life than to look back into the past.

Learn from the past. Pray for the better.

xox,
Blackbuterfly

I have to confess

2009-05-05T09:53:00.000-07:00

I'm Addicted.
Guess what I'm addicted to..

oh no...~

Is IT SOMETHING BAD?

BoOh

Hah...Can it be...

No..

Then it should be...

wooo....

Duh......

[DRUMROLL]

BANANAS

New Calculator

2009-05-05T09:24:00.000-07:00

Presenting the New Calculator in my life :

Reason(s?) to buy:

Board of Examination won't allow My graphic calculator into the exam room
Apparently someone recently had tired to bring "their notes" inside their graphic calculator, hence the ban.
The risk of getting kicked out from the exam room is very high if found with Graphic calculators
...

Another waste of money down the drain...
Owh well

On the side note,
I'm going to have my third exam tomorrow. Organic functional group chemistry. Yeah~ (sarcastically)
So I'm going to study now...or at least try too...hahahaha:P

xox,
blackbuterfly