I LOVE HIM. 19.10.2008

Phewwfff..janji dia happy. Janji dia happy. Janjji dia happy. Itulah niat dri awal lagi. Yg penting ibu kita happy. Itu je. Walaupun duit savings dh bnyk kluar. Dia tak tau. Adui. Sabar je lah comment dia memang pedas punya. Bukan kita yg mintak pun adik2 dia bawa makanan. Dh memang dorg nak bawa. Siapa kita nak tolak rezeki. Ni tidak..akhir2nya dia kata dia malu. Dia kata lain kali kalau nak sangat buat majlis mesti klaur dri duit sendiri. Adui maaaa. Duit kita laa yg kluar bnyk maaaa😫 bukan nak mengukit. Duit papa pun kluar. Dh kn buat mcmna kalau adik2 mama yg mau bawa makanan. hati ni sakit la maaa. Bermacam gaya sudah diri ni buat untuk mama liat yang kami sayang kan mama tu. Adui mak oiii. Bawa syukur la. Ya Allah. Tolong lah Hamba mu ni yaAllah. Diri ku sangat lemah mengatasi semua ni.

tied down

Ever felt like you're tied down. Ever felt like you're just a doll in the room. Ever felt like you just don't belong. Well thats how Im feeling right now. I'm a prisoner at my house. Ruled by not one, but two narcassistic tyrant. Every single time I voice out my opinion on things they go, "mana tau? Jgn kan kurang ajar ni. Don't think that you're 21 and pernah masuk university you can talk back. I have more experience in life than you. Nothing have changed In this world. You're a girl. You're defenceless. You're weak. You dont get to say anything. You are still under my roof. Do as I say not as I do."
"Nada kmi muda nada kami mau keluar. We rather stay at home." Whatever. Everyone knows thats a lie. No one stays at home stays sane. Lagipun, we, the kids hear outrageous stories about the old times from our uncle and aunts. I know you had you're rebellious years.
It's not fair that they had the freedom. Seen the world as it is.
It drives me crazy. Ergh. Annoying. Everyday its a new struggle. Everyday the knot is getting tighter. It hurts.

rapunzel

Parents, don't be like the wicked witch from Rapunzel when your daughters askes you permission to go out. Instead talk to them why they can or cannot go out. Have your days plan spending time with them. Don't ever think that by just buying electronic entertainment is enough to occupy her curiosity of the world. As humans we are connected with nature, she needs to see outside of the families circle of people, animals, trees, flowers, parks etc.
Don't ever feel like just because you are tired, you cannot automatically shut down and lock yourself In house and drag the girls in the house. If you ever do feel like shuting down, send your kids to your other family members for the day, this will keep them entertained, busy and out of your hair for the day.
Think back to when you are her age, think of how you feel everyday. You certainly wouldn't want to feel that you are chained by your hand n feets to the house now would you?
If she ever asked you to go out with her friends, be nice about it. Compromise. Get to know her friends if you are afraid that she'll turn into a sour seed. Be with open arms about them.
If you have a son, don't go setting different curfew times for him. Both son and daughter must be treated equal. There is no such thing as boys can do certain things while girls can only do certain things. Boys are more privileged and easy going whole the girls are monitored and overly protected. No. Bad parenting.
Don't ever think back to only the mistakes of your life and that it'll surely be done by your daughters. Let her do her own mistakes, this is the only way she'll learn how to adapt properly to the world.
Don't have her chained to the walls that you call home. It might be home to you, but surely enough it will be prison for her.
Don't ever think her talking back is her way of being rude. It is very Important that you listen to all her whims. You will understand her better and thus you can talk to her better. This will create a good parent daughter relationship. She will respect for you as you have respect for her.

what it takes..

I've only been employed part-time for (calculating the amount of days I've worked so far) 9 days as an assistant librarian at a local school. I do have to emphasize that being a librarian is not as easy as it looks. Yes you might find them either walking around the library shelving books while telling others to have their library voices or you might find them behind the front desk, registering the books that you want to borrow under your name. But have you ever wondered how the librarian knows where to properly organized books? Have you ever wondered what the numbers and alphabets mean on the bottom spine of each book ?Have you thought who put down all the information of a certain book into the search system of the library? Have you,have you really? Take a moment to think..

Yes dear readers, these are the few not seen jobs of a librarian. It takes special love, skill and technique to be one. and my dear readers, I have to admit its not easy being a librarian but it is a very rewarding job. I say this because you are helping those who want to borrow books have an easy time. You get to see happy faces after they look thru the database and found the book in the specific shelf under carefully calculate dewey numbers.

dewey numbers is a system where...well I was not really thought how to calculate the dewey numbers just yet. I just got to the part of cataloging the new books into the library database. this means that I have to find the ISBN number of a book, then I have to find the author, the publisher, the copyright year, the specified audience of the book, the measurement of the book, total amount of pages.
after this is saved in the database, I then have to stick security magnetic strips in the books so that they trigger books that got out of the librabry without going into the borrowing system. smart no, so for those who wants to steal books beware. you will trigger several alarms in the library. Hahah.

well that's all for now, I will expand on the dewey numbers when I figure out how dh are calculated. till then my dear readers.

-zati-

Bedtime

Dear C-cow,
It's been 3years since you were given to me as a surprise gift. It's been 3 years you've companied me get through the good and the bad side of the bed. It's been 3 years since you've started protecting me from the boogie man that lives under the bed.
I love you, but I think its time for you to take your first bath. I cannot keep on putting perfume on you to mask your stench.
No, you're big black eyes will not blind me from cleaning you. Yes, I will be careful handling you.
Please take the ever needed bath now.

Love, izati.

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Escargot

It's funny how your days seemed so dull and slow, when you've just spent a whole day filled with interesting moments. Feelings felt such as today is one of the feelings that I dread to experience. As much as I do not want to admit it, I am very much afraid for my future. For the first time, I've became lost in the uncertainty. It would do me peace, if I stop encountering people asking me if I'm alright and what's my next move after this. Honestly speaking, I have no idea. I do not know where to turn.

By the end of the day, I have to take the risk. This part of my life is slow like the pace of an Escargot. May it be escargot, or leopard speed, I just pray that I'll be out from this uncertainty soon. I pray that this escargot pace, will lead me to something real and worth while in the right path.

-blackbuterfly-

Escargot

It's funny how your days seemed so dull and slow, when you've just spent a whole day filled with interesting moments. Feelings felt such as today is one of the feelings that I dread to experience. As much as I do not want to admit it, I am very much afraid for my future. For the first time, I've became lost in the uncertainty. It would do me peace, if I stop encountering people asking me if I'm alright and what's my next move after this. Honestly speaking, I have no idea. I do not know where to turn.

By the end of the day, I have to take the risk. This part of my life is slow like the pace of an Escargot. May it be escargot, or leopard speed, I just pray that I'll be out from this uncertainty soon. I pray that this escargot pace, will lead me to something real and worth while in the right path.

-blackbuterfly-

Escargot

It's funny how your days seemed so dull and slow, when you've just spent a whole day filled with interesting moments. Feelings felt such as today is one of the feelings that I dread to experience. As much as I do not want to admit it, I am very much afraid for my future. For the first time, I've became lost in the uncertainty. It would do me peace, if I stop encountering people asking me if I'm alright and what's my next move after this. Honestly speaking, I have no idea. I do not know where to turn.

By the end of the day, I have to take the risk. This part of my life is slow like the pace of an Escargot. May it be escargot, or leopard speed, I just pray that I'll be out from this uncertainty soon. I pray that this escargot pace, will lead me to something real and worth while in the right path.

-blackbuterfly-

Rose Garden.

One of the things that I enjoy doing during my free-days, is getting close to nature.
Since the rumors of exam results have been going around screaming that it'll be posted up by the end of this week. I decided to pull a make-up face (which is really rare for me to be dolled up), wear a dress and put on my comfortable heels and go for walk around london. The guys, Rasid, Razli and Khairul also took up the challenge, we agreed on not using the transportation available to us.

It turned out to be a really nice walk. From hyde park, to Buckingham Palace to Big Ben, to London Bridge, to London Eye then straight back home. No bus. No tube. No taxi. Just our strength and energy.
Sigh. How I wish this can free days can last. I just don't want to have to face reality just yet. Not ready.

3 years.

3 years. Still in waiting. Just finished my exams. I HATE the wait. it's tiring. I want results to be published now. Spare me from the anxiety. Owh, examinations results come out now please.

-zati-

ps. Sannah helwa Bubu :)

Stress Free :)

<3 With Najihah, Farhana, Bulan dan Bintang.
24th April 2011, Hydepark London

Mornings

This is a trick that was taught by my awesome grandmother who passed it to my mother :)

To have gorgeous melodic voice, all you have to do every morning is to brew yourself tea. Then add 1 Table spoon of honey and squeeze out a whole lemon.

It's that simple.

-Izati-

Menikmati Sun-rise

Restless. Not so Awesome flight.

But, the warmth of the sun

Made the beginning of my Day worth Smiling for

PS: Believe it or not, my phone was playing the song "Here comes the sun" - the Beatles.

Numbered

My days are NUMBERED. Once again I have to endure and face the reality. I once again have to leave what I love. Sigh. In the words of Bruno Mars - Grenade "Black, black, black and blue beat me till I'm numb Tell the devil I said “hey” when you get back to where you're from Mad woman, bad woman,That's just what you are, yeah, Gave you all I had And you tossed it in the trash"

I only ask this one simple question, "Hiding won't hide it, Smiling won't hide it, How do I get from an all time low?" The Wanted - All time low.

Sigh. If only I was flying fun. Or at least as a host of traveler program. Free hotel. Free fly. New places. New people. New language. The fun part, being in front of the camera. HAHA!

Tapi tidak mengapa, in about 3months time, I shall be back. Again :) Tell the World I’m coming home Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday I know my kingdom awaits and they’ve forgiven my mistakes - Diddy, Coming home.

For now I have to make believe that, Love is all that I can give you, Love is more than a game for two, Two in love can make it, Take my heart and please don't break it. Love is made for me and you. - Nat King Cole L.O.V.E

Because every time I think of you I feel this, She was dancing sexy, pop, pop, popping, dropping, dropping low. Never ever has a lady hit me on the first sight - Usher, OMG

I am sorry to my first, because, Karena ku cinta kau dan dia Maafkanlah ku tak bisa Tinggalkan dirinya - AdiFasha, Aku cinta kau dan dia.

EXAMINATIONS. This is how much I feel about IT. sarcastically. Mabye.

[Izati]

It's that time again

Family that is constantly on the move is how I would describe my family. Brunei Darussalam is just a resting point. No matter what we do, we cannot avoid being sent away. Tapi inda mengapalah. Aku tidak akan mengeluh. This is for the better. Lagipun, bukan sembarangan tempat yang hendak dituju. InsyaAllah everything is going to be awesome as always.

As of now I have 3 places I can call home.

View Larger Map

-Izati-

Syair Siti Sianah

Setengah Perempuan terlalu janggalnya,

Roma dimuka pula dicukurnya,

Seperti taji berandam di keningnya,

Kemudian memakai dengan selengkapnya.

Mengagak mengilai terlalu suka,

Melihat laki-laki tampakkan muka,

Supaya laki2 boleh meyangka,

Ianya elok tiada terhingga.

Setengah perempuan sangat pesolek,

Berhias berdandan berpakai molek,

Didalam cermin muka ditelek,

Kanan dan kiri dibelek-belek.

Meskipun tiada berapa eloknya,

Ada yang setengah kembang hidungnya,

Serta pula kepik batangnya,

Seperti buaya besar mulutnya.

Setengah perempuan perangainya cela,

Habis dipenuhi rambut kepala,

Rambut yang sikit disiputnya pula,

Memakai cemara berjela-jela.

Terkadang muka dibubuh pupuri,

Kaki dan tangan,lengan dan jari,

Jadilah rupanya putih berseri,

Pekerjaan tipu sangat digemari.

Setengah perempuan yang makan angkat,’

memakai gelang bertingkat-tingkat,

Memandang laki2 matanya lekat,

Dengan jantan suka berdekat.

Kaki dan tangan dinaikkan pula,

Pura-pura dikatakan ubat segala,

Hakikatnya diketahui Allah taala,

Supaya laki2 berhati gila.

Berlindunglah kita kepada Allah,

Daripada perbuatan yang amat salah,

Mudah-mudahan dilepaskan,

Jangan menjadi betina sempolah.

Setengahnya suka bermain judi,

Inilah perangai banyak terjadi,

Habislah tergadai intan serudi,

Kerana perangai sudah membadi.

Laki-laki perempuan bertindih lutut,

Banyaklah kelakuan yg tidak patut,

Sembahyang ibadat sudahlah bantut,

Kerana syaitan duduk dibuntut...

~Abu Hassan Sham(Puisi2 raja Ali Haji)

I just want to remind myself and all the ladies out there, kita sebagai wanita haruslah menjaga pergaulan kita antara lelaki. Janganlah kita terlampau bebas. Kerana lelaki yang tidak bertanggung jawab akan membinasakan kita.

Kita sebagai wanita mesti menjaga akhlak dan adab sopan santun supaya tidak dieksploitasi oleh lelaki yang tidak bertanggung jawab.

Kita sebagai wanita mesti lah menjaga kecantikan diri tetapi janganlah sampai berlebih-lebihan. Kerana ini boleh menimbulkan fitnah.

Tercatit dalam sejarah Islam, bahawa ayat 1-2 Surah at-Tahrim turun disebabkan angkara isteri-isteri baginda. Ketika baginda habis meminum madu di rumah isteri baginda Saudah, dia berkata bahawa ada bau yang busuk. Begitu juga ketika baginda selesai meminum madu di rumah Aisyah, dia diberitahu bahawa ada bau yang busuk. Lalu Rasulullah saw kerana untuk menjaga hati isterinya telah berjanji untuk tidak meminum madu lagi.

Allah lalu menurunkan firman Nya : "Hai Nabi, mengapa kamu mengharamkan apa yang Allah halalkan bagimu, kamu mencari kesenangan hati isteri-isteri kamu?" (at-Tahrim : 1)Perlu ditegaskan bahawa fitnah wanita tidak selalunya datang dari arah wanita itu sendiri. Bahkan selalunya godaan nafsu dalamlah yang menjadi pendorong bagi lelaki untuk mendekati wanita dan melakukan maksiat. Oleh kerana itu, wanita atau isteri bukanlah musuh yang sebenarnya yang perlu dijauhi. Perlakuan yang berlaku adalah antara dua jenis ini adalah gambaran umum tentang bentuk perhubungan yang diwujudkan.

Apabila masing-masingnya memberi perhatian yang wajar untuk sama-sama membina kebahagiaan, maka mereka akan mengecapinya dengan sempurna. Abu Hurairah ra berkata bahawa Rasulullah saw bersabda : "Sesempurna iman seseorang ialah yang paling baik budi pekertinya,dan sebaik-baik kamu ialah yang terbaik pergaulannya terhadap isterinya." (Riwayat Tirmizi). Dan dalam sebuah hadis dari Abdullah bin Amru al-Ash, bahawa Rasulullah bersabda : "Dunia ini adalah perhiasan dan sebaik-baik perhiasan ialah wanita yang solehah." (Riwayat Muslim)

"http://www.iluvislam.com/v1/readarticle.php?article_id=1534"

-izati-

Remaja

Kesempurnaan dalam hidup memang tidak ada. Kesempuraan hanya boleh dinilai dengan kebahagiaan.

Sebagai anak kita mesti mendoakan kesejahteraan hidup ibu bapa kita :) Sebagai seorang remaja yang mencari kebahagiaan, carilah kebahagiaan itu disisi keluarga. Yang baik jadikan tauladan, yang buruk jadikan sempadan. Agar kelak remaja-remaja apabila dewasa dapat membina keluarga and mendidik anak kejalan yang diredhai. Jangan sekali-kali kita menyelahkan apa yang terjadi kerah ibubapa kita.kaya kemereka. Miskin kah meraka.itu hak mereka.

Sebagai anak, kita mesti berusaha untuk mengubah hidup mereka. Menyenangkan hidup mereka. Sebagai mana mereka telah berkorban dengan sedaya upaya mereka untuk membahagiakan kita.

[izati]

All.The.Same

People. Human beings. Human nature. Individuals.

What distinguishes us? What differentiates us from one another?

Is it on the way we look? How we dress? How we talk? How we walk? The amount of gucci bags we have or is it the way we work out the pair of Louis Vuitton shoes? The way we drive our BMW cars or rather have drivers drive us around in the BMW?

Think about it, how do we usually differentiate between each other. I know, and I will admit it, I always compare people by the materials that they have. How they strut their materials owning. It's one of my guilty pleasure. It is after all the easiest way to describe a stranger to another person.

Why this is so?

I think, it is because what we see on the person becomes and to us defines that person. Admit it or not, we judge people by how they cover themselves. I hate to admit this, but I do this a whole lot. When ever I'm out and about and boredom strikes, my eyes tend to wonder around. This is when the guilty pleasure kicks in. I start to judge those particular individuals by how they dress. I once saw this lady in a very lovely-knee short-summer dress. I could see that she was covering her arm by wearing long sleeves underneath her dress. She covered her hair with scarf perfectly. The heels that she was wearing completely complimented the green-lilac bag that she was accessorizing. Her outfit was gorgeous. The only thing that upset me was that her legs was showing. I found it really odd of her to be covered only from her head to her knees. Only to her knees. With this I then began to judge her. Saying how she should just take off her scarf, because it's not worth her time covering. Questioning to myself why did she not bother covering her legs. Her legs weren't that that pretty to show off anyways. It was a weird thing to see that time. I will forever remember her as the pretty dress but not so much leg person.

A split second after she walked past by me, it suddenly hit me. My conscience asked me, Who am I to judge that person. Do I even know that person to judge her by her looks. Do I consider myself as perfect, hence why I criticized that person for not covering her legs.

The thought came to me, we are all the same. She was somehow, weirdly enough, my alternate alter-ego. Because at that moment, even though I was covered from head to feet, my coverings were tight on me. Which to me is not the definition of covering properly t0 the public eyes. But I wore it anyway. We are all the same. No matter how different it may seem to us on how we wear things. What car we drive. How big our house is. The amount of gold and diamonds we own. We are all the same.

The only thing that can differentiate me and that 'pretty dress but not so much leg person' is my personality and hers. And of course. Her DNA and mine. It is been researched that only 1 in a million that a person's DNA can be the same as another person.

Why personality? I personally think that it's because our differences in experiencing life is different, therefore with theses completely different background experience, different personality will develop.

We.Are.All.The.Same.

-Izati-

Bulan Dan Bintang

Detik terus berjalan dunia semakin tua

pergi dan datang pergantian manusia semakin jaya.

dalam kebingungan dunia terbahagi dua

kalah atau menang masih ditanda tanya

yang nyata sekarang berpecah-pecah barisan kita

terdampar dibatu karang haluan tiada lemah tenaga

kalau direnung ke zaman lampau berkilauan cahaya

segalanya hidup bergerak akihrat dan dunia

tapi...apakah kita masih mimpi dialam tidak bermakna

itu khayal, khayal kalau usaha tiada.

Dicari, dibongkar seluruh rahsia gemilang

iman, takwa, persaudaraan dan terus berjuang

bukan bekalan hanya bibir dan lidah dizaman mereka

kitab Al-Quran difahamkan, dilaksanakan penuh percaya.

Dibongkar, Dicari mengapa runtuh keagunganmu

rahsia sakti pudar, hilang kembang pun layu

daging dimamah, harta dikejar, dihati takut tiada

kekhilafan bermaharajarela, pada Quran hanya telinga

Detik terus berjalan dunia semakin tua

demikianlah nasib handalan jatuh dilembah hina.

SHUKRI ZAIN, Damai dalam sentuhan.

In conjunction of the coming new year 2011. Remember, Kita didunia hanyalah untuk sementara. Tidak ada ertinya jika kita megahkan our bag Louis Vuitton, our perfume Channel, our car BMW and our huge house. This is because, all we bring to the end is our Iman. Hidup didunia hanyalah sementara. Bersedialah untuk Akhirat.

-izati-

Jatuh

Apabila jatuh, kembali lah bangun. If you stay jatuh, nanti senang dipijak orang. Bila kita bangun, kita rasa satu keajaiban yang sungguh menarik.

Tidak ada maknanya if we decide to stay jatuh. Tidak ada maknanya if we decide to give up.

I believe that we fail in the task in hand because, Tuhan sengaja menemukan yang salah sebelum kita tahu yang lurus. Supaya kita lebih sempurna and lebih ikhlas bila masa yang lurus itu datang menjemu di hari kelak.

Tidak ada maknanya jika kita seharian suntuk berbaring di katil. Tidak ada maknanya jika kita seharian meraung. Tidak ada maknanya jika kita seharian mengikut dan melayan perasaan.

Elok kita mencari jalan keluar dari masalah. Elok kita berdoa meminta pertolongan dariNya.

Tuhan tidak akan memberi dugaan jika Dia tidak pasti yang kita boleh bangun selepasnya. Kerana Dia selalu pasti. Kerana Dia yang menentukan apa yang ada, dan tidak ada. Kerana Dia yang Maha Berkuasa and Maha Mengetahui.

[Izati]